:Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox

• The volunteer members of this group commit to using this process over making unilateral edits directly to the India page (especially non-trivial edits).
• The members are aware that this process can take at least 24 to 48 hours.
• The members are aware that the mature parts of the article also need copy-editing or sourcing. (In other words, this is not just about writing new text and ignoring old text, or assuming that other editors will somehow do the copy-editing of the old text; the other editors want to write new material too.)
• The members are aware that for a mature FA like India all edits to the main page are to be made in relation to edits in the daughter articles. (In other words, this is not about writing new sections for the India page, and at the same time letting the daughter articles remain in stub form.)

;Note: Reviewers do not have to be expert copy editors or experts on India. Each reviewer can help out in the way they are best able to. (This includes helping with reliable sources, issues of relevance to the page, length of text, where it would best fit, as well as copy-editing, grammar, and coherence.) Also, volunteering does not mean that you have to commit a certain amount of time. Simply that you will try to help out when you can.

• {{user|DaGizza}}
• {{user|Fowler&fowler}}
• {{user|Rueben lys}}
• {{user|Blacksun}}
• {{user|reviwermore}}

To ask for help with text, please fill out an TPRS (Text Peer Review and Sandbox) template, then add it to an appropriate section below.

1. Review WP:MOS to make sure your text has met the basic guidelines.
2. Create a new subpage named   Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox/ExampleName
3. Copy the following content into the new blank subpage:
4. :Do not change this portion of text at all: {{PAGENAME}}

;Informative but brief caption for your text goes here.

What section is your text for?

Would you like a Peer-Review or communal edits in a Sandbox?

Please add Current Version of Text:

Please add your proposed edits:

Other comments by author:

If proposed edit is for the sandbox, please copy again in sandbox.

;Note Please use {{inuse}} during edits.

• Comments by {{user|Reviewer1}}:

• Comments by {{user|Reviewer2}}:

• Comments by {{user|Reviewer3}}:

:4. Add   {{Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox/ExampleName}}   to the top of the appropriate section below.

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Place suggestions and self nominations for WP:TITPRS below

{{Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox/DemoText}}

;I wish to copyedit a sentence on health.

What section is your text for?

Demographics

Would you like a Peer-Review or communal edits in a Sandbox?

Both but mainly peer-review

Please add Current Version of Text:

India has higher rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% in year 2007) than any other country in the world.{{cite web

|url = http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article1421393.ece |title = "Indian children suffer more malnutrition than in Ethiopia"

|publisher = The Times

|last = Page

|first = Jeremy

|date = February 22, 2007

|accessdate=2007-04-28}}

Please add your proposed edits:

India has the highest rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) in the world.{{cite web

|url = http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article1421393.ece |title = "Indian children suffer more malnutrition than in Ethiopia"

|publisher = The Times

|last = Page

|first = Jeremy

|date = February 22, 2007

|accessdate=2007-04-28}}

or

India has rates of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) higher than any country in the world.{{cite web

|url = http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article1421393.ece |title = "Indian children suffer more malnutrition than in Ethiopia"

|publisher = The Times

|last = Page

|first = Jeremy

|date = February 22, 2007

|accessdate=2007-04-28}}

Other comments by author:

The two references citing this sentence don't say the same thing. The Timesonline article states Almost 46 per cent of Indian children under the age of 3 suffer from malnutrition ... compares with about 35 per cent in sub-Saharan Africa and only 8 per cent in China while the World Bank article says parts of rural India have poverty rates comparable to borderline "failed states," such as Haiti and Nigeria, and have child malnutrition rates higher than any country in the world.

So even my sentences don't clarify the distinction. The under the age of three comparison is not for the whole world and the general child malnutrition sentence only says "parts of rural India." I think the best solution would be to split the sentence into two so each citation supports what it says and not what it half-says. Merging the two differents point into one is misleading. Gizza^{Discuss ©} 23:08, 14 October 2007 (UTC)

;Note Please use {{inuse}} during edit.

India has rates of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) higher than any country in the world.{{cite web

|url = http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article1421393.ece |title = "Indian children suffer more malnutrition than in Ethiopia"

|publisher = The Times

|last = Page

|first = Jeremy

|date = February 22, 2007

|accessdate=2007-04-28}}

• Comments by {{user|Fowler&fowler}}:

Just a note for reference. This issue was brought up first in [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:India/Archive_24#Wealth_distribution_in_India this talk page discussion]. There are a number of references there. Fowler&fowler«Talk» 02:41, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

What page number does the world bank report say that on? I could find the page. Fowler&fowler«Talk» 02:44, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

:It is on page 1, ie. the first page after the Roman numberals. Gizza^{Discuss ©} 03:09, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

Here are some of the references from the link above:

• UNICEF 2006. [http://www.unicef.org/india/children_2356.htm The Picture in India: Nutrition].
• The World Bank. Press Release 11 May 2006. [http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/NEWS/0,,contentMDK:20917151~pagePK:64257043~piPK:437376~theSitePK:4607,00.html Urgent Action Needed to Overcome Persistent Malnutrition in India, says World Bank Report].
• The World Bank. India: Malnutrition Report. Released 10 May 2006. [http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/COUNTRIES/SOUTHASIAEXT/0,,contentMDK:20916955~pagePK:146736~piPK:146830~theSitePK:223547,00.html India's Undernourished Children, A Call to Reform and Action].

Here is one solution: Since malnutrition is measured by weight and age, one could rephrase the sentence as: "Prevalence of undernourished children in India is among the highest in the world (46 percent of all children under the age of three were underweight in 2006)." This is what the UNICEF site above say and also what the third link above (World Bank report) says. One could then replace that long World Bank Report whose page number I couldn't locate with either the UNICEF report (and they obviously are reliable for children) or the third World Bank Report. Fowler&fowler«Talk» 03:08, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

OK, I just read the page 1 of the report you mentioned. That is an abstract (and kind of dramatic and vague at the same time); it is more accurate on pages 11-12, but the text there refers to the malnutrition report I added above. Since that report doesn't say the highest, but among the highest, I would probably go with the version: "Prevalence of undernourished children in India is among the highest in the world (46 percent of all children under the age of three were underweight in 2006)." and then cite the third world bank report (10 May 2006). Fowler&fowler«Talk» 03:28, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

• Comments by {{user|Reviewer2}}:

• Comments by {{user|Reviewer3}}:

• 2007