Cuckold

File:Reed warbler cuckoo.jpg raising the chick of a common cuckoo; the term "cuckold" is derived from the cuckoo's tendency to lay eggs in the nests of other birds.]]

The word cuckold derives from the cuckoo bird, alluding to its brood parasitism, or tendency to lay its eggs in the nests of other birds.{{cite web |title=cuckold |url=http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=cuckold |access-date=19 December 2016 |website=Online Etymology Dictionary}}{{cite news |last=Williams |first=Janet |date=4 July 2009 |title=Cuckolds, horns and other explanations |newspaper=BBC News |url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8133615.stm |access-date=11 February 2013}} The association is common in medieval folklore, literature, and iconography.

English usage first appears about 1250 in the medieval debate poem The Owl and the Nightingale. It was characterized as an overtly blunt term in John Lydgate's The Fall of Princes, {{circa|lk=no|1440}}.{{cite book|author=Geoffrey Hughes|title=An Encyclopedia of Swearing: The Social History of Oaths, Profanity, Foul Language, and Ethnic Slurs in the English-speaking World|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=O3-sBwAAQBAJ&pg=PT191|date=26 March 2015|publisher=Taylor & Francis|isbn=978-1-317-47677-1|pages=191–}} William Shakespeare's writing often referred to cuckolds, with several of his characters suspecting they had become one.

The word often implies that the husband is deceived; that he is unaware of his wife's unfaithfulness and may not know until the arrival or growth of a child plainly not his (as with cuckoo birds).

The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562,{{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=lfSC4fpiW64C&q=Cuckquean&pg=PA301|title=Love, Sex, and Marriage: A Historical Thesaurus|first=Julie|last=Coleman|date=1 January 1999|publisher=Rodopi|isbn=9042004339|access-date=22 November 2016|via=Google Books}}{{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=2XtWDhgljvkC&q=Cuckquean&pg=PA339|title=A Dictionary of Sexual Language and Imagery in Shakespearean and Stuart Literature: Three Volume Set Volume I A-F Volume II G-P Volume III Q-Z|first=Gordon|last=Williams|date=13 September 2001|publisher=A&C Black|isbn=9780485113938|access-date=22 November 2016|via=Google Books}} adding a feminine suffix to the cuck.

A related word, first appearing in 1520, is wittol, which substitutes wit (in the sense of knowing) for the first part of the word, referring to a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's infidelity.Oxford English Dictionary

{{Further|Cuckservative}}

An abbreviation of cuckold, the term cuck has been used by the alt-right to attack the masculinity of an opponent. It was originally aimed at other conservatives.{{cite news |work=The New York Times |title=Alt-Right, Alt-Left, Antifa: A Glossary of Extremist Language |last=Stack |first=Liam |date=August 15, 2017 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/15/us/politics/alt-left-alt-right-glossary.html |url-access=limited}}

File:Order-cuckoldry-ca1815-French-satire.jpg

In Western traditions, cuckolds have sometimes been described as "wearing the horns of a cuckold" or just "wearing the horns". This is an allusion to the mating habits of stags, who forfeit their mates when they are defeated by another male.E. Cobham Brewer 1810–1897. Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. 1898.

In Italy (especially in Southern Italy, where it is a major personal offence), the insult "{{lang|it|cornuto}}" is often accompanied by the sign of the horns. In French, the term is "{{lang|fr|porter des cornes}}". In German, the term is "{{lang|de|jemandem Hörner aufsetzen}}", or "{{lang|de|Hörner tragen}}", the husband is "{{lang|de|der gehörnte Ehemann}}".

In Brazil and Portugal, the term used is "{{lang|pt|corno}}", meaning exactly "horned". The term is quite offensive, especially for men, and {{lang|pt|cornos}} are a common subject of jokes and anecdotes.

Rabelais's Tiers Livers of Gargantua and Pantagruel (1546) portrays a horned fool as a cuckold.{{cite book|last=LaGuardia|first=David P.|title=Intertextual Masculinity in French Renaissance Literature|publisher=Ashgate Publishing|location=Franham, UK|year=2008|page=133}} In Molière's {{Lang|fr|L'École des femmes}} (1662), a man named Arnolphe (see below) who mocks cuckolds with the image of the horned buck ({{Lang|fr|becque cornu}}) becomes one at the end.

In Chinese usage, the cuckold (or wittol) is said to be "{{linktext|lang=zh|戴綠帽子}}" {{Transliteration|zh|dài lǜmàozi}}, translated into English as 'wearing the green hat'. The term is an allusion to the sumptuary laws used from the 13th to the 18th centuries that required males in households with prostitutes to wrap their heads in a green scarf (or later a hat).{{cite book|last=Sommer|first=Matthew Harvey|title=Sex, Law, and Society in Late Imperial China|publisher=Stanford University Press|year=2002|location=Stanford|page=218|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=E6ClbegXuWUC|isbn=0-8047-4559-5|access-date=2008-07-27}}

A saint Arnoul(t), Arnolphe, or Ernoul, possibly Arnold of Soissons, is often cited as the patron saint of cuckolded husbands, hence the name of Molière's character Arnolphe.{{cite book |author=Brian Joseph Levy |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=m-WT61A4sRsC |title=The Comic Text: Patterns and Images in the Old French Fabliaux |year=2000 | publisher=Rodopi |isbn=9042004290}}{{cite journal|author=William Beck|title=Arnolphe or Monsieur de la Souche?|journal=The French Review|volume=42|issue=2|date=December 1968|jstor=386804|page=255}}

The Greek hero Actaeon is often associated with cuckoldry, as when he is turned into a stag, he becomes "horned".{{cite book |url=https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/273809 |title=Oxford English Dictionary |year=2010 |edition=3rd |url-access=subscription}} This is alluded to in Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor, Robert Burton's The Anatomy of Melancholy, and others.{{cite book|author=John Stephen Farmer|title=Slang and Its Analogues Past and Present|year=1903|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=XrJZAAAAMAAJ&dq=acteon&pg=PA15|page=15|publisher=Subscribers only }}

In Islamic cultures, the related term {{Lang|ar-latn|dayouth}} ({{langx|ar|دَيُّوث}}) can be used to describe a person who is viewed as apathetic or permissive with regards to unchaste behaviour by female relatives or a spouse, or who lacks the demeanor ({{Lang|ar-latn|ghayrah}}) of paternalistic protectiveness.Sallo, Ibrahim Khidhir. "A Sociolinguistic Study of Sex Differences in Mosuli Arabic in Mosul-Iraq."{{Cite book|last=Shahawi|first=Majdi Muhammad Ash|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=3dJNBQAAQBAJ&q=ghairah+dayyuth&pg=PT40|title=Marital Discord - Causes & Cures|date=2004|publisher=Darussalam Publishers|language=en}} Variations on the spelling include {{Lang|ar-latn|dayyuth, dayuuth}}, or {{Lang|ar-latn|dayoos}}.{{Cite journal|last=Semerdjian|first=Elyse|date=2012-03-01|title='Because he is so tender and pretty': sexual deviance and heresy in eighteenth-century Aleppo|journal=Social Identities|volume=18|issue=2|pages=175–199|doi=10.1080/13504630.2012.652844|s2cid=145004098|issn=1350-4630}} The term has been criticised for its use as a pejorative while also suggestive of acceptance of vain paternalistic gender roles, stigmatization of sexuality or overprotective intrusive sexual gatekeeping.{{Cite journal|last=Hamamra|first=Bilal Tawfiq|date=2018-04-03|title=The Containment of Female Linguistic, Spatial, and Sexual Transgression in Arden of Faversham: A Contemporary Palestinian Reading|journal=Comparative Literature: East & West|language=en|volume=2|issue=2|pages=88–100|doi=10.1080/25723618.2018.1546474|issn=2572-3618|doi-access=free}}

{{See also|Cuckquean#Cuckqueanry as a fetish}}

File:"The Cuckold Carpenter Under the Bed of his Wife and her Lover", Folio from a Kalila wa Dimna MET sf1981-373-70b.jpg]]

Unlike the traditional definition of the term, in fetish usage, a cuckold (also known as "cuckolding fetish"){{Cite web |author1=Elizabeth Weiss |date=2017-08-09 |title=The Cuckolding Fetish Explained: Why Some Men Actually *Want* to Be Cheated On |url=https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a15806/cuckolding-fetish/ |access-date=2022-06-27 |website=Marie Claire Magazine |language=en}}{{Cite news |last=Calhoun |first=Ada |date=2012-09-14 |title=You May Call It Cheating, but We Don't |language=en-US |work=The New York Times |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/16/fashion/modern-love-you-may-call-it-cheating-but-we-dont.html |access-date=2022-06-27 |issn=0362-4331}} is complicit in their partner's sexual "infidelity"; the wife who enjoys "cuckolding" her husband is called a "cuckoldress" if the man is more submissive.{{cite book |last=Ley |first=David |title=Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them |publisher=Rowman & Littlefield |year=2009 |isbn=978-1-4422-0031-9}}{{Page needed|date=July 2015}}{{cite web|url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joe-kort-phd/the-expanding-phenomenon-_b_11968830.html|title=The Expanding Phenomenon Of Cuckolding: Even Gay Men Are Getting Into It|first1=Joe|last1=Kort|date=13 September 2016|publisher=Huffington Post|access-date=19 December 2016}}{{cite web|url=http://www.salon.com/2007/09/05/cuckquean/|title=What do you call a female cuckold?|first=Lynn|last=Harris|work=Salon|date=5 September 2007 |access-date=19 December 2016}}{{Citation |last1=Hyde |first1=Janet Shibley |title=Gender differences in sexuality: Results from meta-analysis. |date=2000 |url=http://content.apa.org/books/10345-003 |work=Sexuality, society, and feminism. |pages=57–77 |editor-last=Travis |editor-first=Cheryl Brown |place=Washington |publisher=American Psychological Association |language=en |doi=10.1037/10345-003 |isbn=978-1-55798-617-7 |access-date=2022-10-22 |last2=Oliver |first2=Mary Beth |editor2-last=White |editor2-first=Jacquelyn W.|url-access=subscription }} The dominant man engaging with the cuckold's partner is called a "bull".{{Cite journal |last1=Lehmiller |first1=Justin J. |last2=Ley |first2=David |last3=Savage |first3=Dan |date=2018 |title=The Psychology of Gay Men's Cuckolding Fantasies |url=http://link.springer.com/10.1007/s10508-017-1096-0 |journal=Archives of Sexual Behavior |language=en |volume=47 |issue=4 |pages=999–1013 |doi=10.1007/s10508-017-1096-0 |pmid=29285655 |s2cid=4722706 |issn=0004-0002|url-access=subscription }}

If a couple can keep the fantasy in the bedroom, or come to an agreement where being cuckolded in reality does not damage the relationship, they may try it out in reality. This, like other sexual acts, can improve the sexual relationship between partners.{{Cite web |date=October 2011 |title=A consequence of cuckoldry: More (and better) sex? |url=https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/10/cuckoldry |access-date=2022-10-22 |website=American Psychological Association}} However, the primary proponent of the fantasy is almost always the one being humiliated, or the "cuckold": the cuckold convinces his lover to participate in the fantasy for them, though other "cuckolds" may prefer their lover to initiate the situation instead. The fetish fantasy does not work at all if the cuckold is being humiliated against their will.{{cite journal|last=Klein|first=Donald C.|date=1 Dec 1999|title=The humiliation dynamic: An overview|journal=The Journal of Primary Prevention|volume=12|issue=2|pages=93–121|doi=10.1007/BF02015214|pmid=24258218|s2cid=43535241}}

Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism, with the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated.{{cite web |last=Rufus |first=Anneli |date=July 29, 2010 |title=Cuckolding: The Sex Fetish for Intellectuals |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/cuckolding-the-sex-fetish-for-intellectuals |url-access=subscription |access-date=November 20, 2021 |work=The Daily Beast}}{{cite web|quote=Cuckolding can also be mixed with other non-monogamous relationship arrangements with which it has substantial overlap such as swinging, open relationships, and polyamory. Again, it is distinguished from these concepts in that cuckold's thrill in their partner's acts is specifically masochistic|last=Betchen|first=Stephen J.|work=Magnetic Partners blog post|publisher=Psychology Today|date=November 18, 2014|url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201411/sexually-dominant-women-and-the-men-who-desire-them-part-ii|title=Sexually Dominant Women and the Men Who Desire Them, Part II}} In his book Masochism and the Self, psychologist Roy Baumeister advanced a Self Theory analysis that cuckolding (or specifically, all masochism) was a form of escaping from self-awareness, at times when self-awareness becomes burdensome, such as with perceived inadequacy. According to this theory, the physical or mental pain from masochism brings attention away from the self, which would be desirable in times of "guilt, anxiety, or insecurity", or at other times when self-awareness is unpleasant.{{Cite book|title=Masochism and the Self|last=Baumeister|first=Roy|publisher=Psychology Press|year=2014|isbn=978-1138876064|location=New York}}

{{Div col|colwidth=20em}}

• Beta male
• Candaulism
• Crime of passion
• Cuckoldry in fish
• Cuckquean
• Erotic humiliation
• Female dominance
• Female promiscuity
• Feminization (activity)
• Human sperm competition
• Monogamish
• Netorare
• Non-paternity event
• Open marriage
• Paternity fraud
• Polyamory
• Polyandry, marriage to multiple husbands
• Pregnancy fetishism
• Swinging
• Voyeurism

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{{Reflist}}

{{Commons category}}

{{Wiktionary}}

• {{cite web |author=Una McIlvenna |date=December 20, 2017 |title=From the 16th-century to men's rights activists: The history of the insult 'cuckold' |url=http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-12-20/cuckold-history-of-mens-rights-insult-the-conversation/9273074 |publisher=ABC |location=Australia |access-date=December 20, 2017}}

{{Sex fetish}}

{{Authority control}}

Category:Extramarital relationships

Category:Pejorative terms for men

Category:Sexual fetishism

Category:BDSM terminology