Every time you masturbate... God kills a kitten
{{Short description|Internet meme created in 2002}}
{{Use mdy dates|date=December 2023}}File:God-kills-kitten.jpg
"Every time you masturbate... God kills a kitten" is the caption of an image created by Chris Darden on the Fark website in 2002 that quickly became an internet meme.{{cite web |title=Fark Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Farkisms: 1.7 "Killing" kittens |url=http://www.fark.com/farq/farkisms/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20231208052702/https://www.fark.com/farq/farkisms/ |archive-date=December 8, 2023 |access-date=December 27, 2016 |website=FARK.com |publisher=Fark, Inc. }}{{cite news |last=Horen |first=Tom |date=October 20, 2008 |title=Domo: From underground to advertiser |newspaper=Star Tribune |url=http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/style/31178504.html |url-status=live |access-date=December 27, 2016 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20231121165131/https://www.startribune.com/domo-from-underground-to-advertiser/31178504/ |archive-date=November 21, 2023 }} The image features a kitten being chased by two Domo, the animated mascot of Japanese public broadcaster NHK, and has the tagline "Please, think of the kittens", which is a play on the phrase "think of the children".
Origin
The phrase originally appeared as the headline "Fact: Every Time You Masturbate, God Kills a Kitten. How Many More Have to Die?" with a kitten photo on the cover of The Gonzo, a satirical publication produced by students at Georgetown University, in 1996.{{cite book |last=Stryker |first=Cole |url=https://archive.org/details/epicwinforanonym0000stry |title=Epic Win for Anonymous: How 4chan's Army Conquered the Web |date=2011 |publisher=Peter Mayer Publishers |isbn=978-1-59020-710-9 |pages=125–126 |access-date=December 27, 2016}}
The phrase later appeared in the form that brought it viral fame: as a caption of an image created by a member of the Fark website in 2002, which features a kitten being chased by two Domo mascots.{{cite news |last=Altman |first=Riki |date=November 2, 2009 |title=Domo Arigato, Domo |newspaper=Miami New Times |url=http://www.miaminewtimes.com/restaurants/domo-arigato-domo-6599651 |url-status=live |access-date=December 27, 2016 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210422101944/https://www.miaminewtimes.com/restaurants/domo-arigato-domo-6599651 |archive-date=April 22, 2021 }}
According to a 2007 New York Times Magazine article on Domo-kun, "Any major exhibition on the history of clowning around on the Internet would have to include [this image]".{{cite magazine |last=Walker |first=Rob |date=July 22, 2007 |title=Hello, Kitschy |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/22/magazine/22wwln-consumed-t.html |url-status=live |magazine=The New York Times Magazine |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20231031221913/https://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/22/magazine/22wwln-consumed-t.html |archive-date=October 31, 2023 |access-date=December 27, 2016 }} The article also described the meme itself as "resembling a public-service ad, with text that is sophomoric, funny and not worth printing here," adding "it has been referenced and forwarded so many times." A 2006 article from ICv2 stated, "Domo is probably best known outside Japan for his unauthorized appearance in a faux public service announcement that intones 'Every time you masturbate...God kills a kitten.' Needless to say this phony PSA is quite out of character with Domo's image in Japan."{{cite web |date=May 4, 2006 |title=Nickelodeon Gets Anime-Mated |url=http://www.icv2.com/articles/news/8608.html |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230421035315/https://icv2.com/articles/comics/view/8608/nickelodeon-gets-anime-mated |archive-date=April 21, 2023 |access-date=June 11, 2018 |website=ICv2 |publisher=GCO, LLC}}
Cultural references
In 2003, actor Dudley Sutton produced a one-man comic show, Killing Kittens, at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, based on the Internet phrase.{{cite news |last=Quinn |first=Thomas |date=August 4, 2003 |title=EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2003: Thomas Quinn - PEST AT THE FEST. |work=The Mirror |publisher=MGN LTD |url=https://www.thefreelibrary.com/EDINBURGH+FESTIVAL+2003%3A+Thomas+Quinn+-+PEST+AT+THE+FEST.-a0106215500 |access-date=December 27, 2016 |via=Gale, Cengage Learning via Free Online Library |archive-date=December 27, 2016 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20161227201649/https://www.thefreelibrary.com/EDINBURGH%20FESTIVAL%202003%3A%20Thomas%20Quinn%20-%20PEST%20AT%20THE%20FEST.-a0106215500 |url-status=live }}
XXXchurch.com used the retouched kitten image in a 2005 e-mail campaign.{{cite book |last=Szereto |first=Mitzi |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=fHFuD3C8IIAC&dq=masturbate+kitten&pg=PA168 |title=The World's Best Sex Writing 2005 |year=2005 |publisher=Running Press Book Publishers |isbn=1-56025-772-5}} Westwinds Community Church held events which included presentations by Craig Gross, the founder of XXXchurch.com, which soon became the target of criticism from the church's community. Fox News quoted Jay Porter, an individual who used to attend the church; Porter stated "'God kills a kitten every time you masturbate' is not an advisable message to direct at children".{{cite web |date=April 1, 2005 |title=Mich. Church Slammed for 'Porn Weekend' |url=https://www.foxnews.com/story/mich-church-slammed-for-porn-weekend |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20121017115318/http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,152159,00.html |archive-date=October 17, 2012 |access-date=December 27, 2016 |publisher=Fox News |df=mdy-all}}
In 2006, The Independent published an article which briefly referenced a "sex club called Killing Kittens", a name inspired by the phrase.{{cite news |date=November 26, 2006 |title=John Cameron Mitchell: Let's talk dirty |newspaper=The Independent on Sunday |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/john-cameron-mitchell-lets-talk-dirty-425922.html |url-status=live |access-date=December 27, 2016 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220706094356/http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/john-cameron-mitchell-let-s-talk-dirty-425922.html |archive-date=July 6, 2022 }} Later, in 2014, The Guardian reported about Emma Sayle, the founder of Killing Kittens, detailing it as a company which organizes sex parties for young models and actors.{{cite news |last=Jones |first=Corinne |date=September 28, 2014 |title=Members-only sex club founder: 'You'll be eating dinner and look around and see a leg appear through the curtain' |newspaper=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/sep/28/members-only-sex-club-killing-kittens-emma-sayle |url-status=live |access-date=December 27, 2016 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20221205092805/https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/sep/28/members-only-sex-club-killing-kittens-emma-sayle |archive-date=December 5, 2022 }} When asked about the name of her company, she stated, "it's cyber-slang – every time someone masturbates, God kills a kitten. It's about pleasuring yourself, so it fits quite nicely with our brand."
When appearing in the media, the phrase is sometimes varied. For example, in 2003, Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee maintained a screensaver that showed kittens chased by vengeful ninjas, and the cut line, "Every time you masturbate, a ninja chops the head off a kitten."{{Cite news |last=Houpt |first=Simon |date=November 24, 2003 |title=Bee dazzled |language=en-CA |page=R3 |work=The Globe and Mail |publication-place=New York |url=https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/bee-dazzled/article1170010/ |url-status=live |access-date=2023-12-08 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20231208075307/https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/bee-dazzled/article1170010/ |archive-date=2023-12-08}}
See also
{{Portal|Comedy|Internet}}