I Hate Myself and Want to Die

"I Hate Myself and Want to Die" was never performed live, and is survived by only two known versions, both recorded in the studio. The first is a demo, featuring unfinished lyrics, recorded in January 1993 by Craig Montgomery at BMG Ariola Ltda in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. This version was released on the Nirvana rarities box set, With the Lights Out, in November 2004.

The second and final studio version of "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" was recorded by Steve Albini at Pachyderm Studios on February 15, 1993, during the recording session for the band's third and final album, In Utero.{{cite book|last1=Garr|first1=Gillian G.|title=In Utero|date=2006|publisher=Continium|location=United States|isbn=0-8264-1776-0|page=56}} Originally titled "2 Bass Kid",{{cite book|title=Nirvana FAQ: All That's Left to Know About the Most Important Band of the 1990s|last=Luerssen|first=John D.|publisher=Hal Leonard Corporation|year=2014|page=343|isbn=978-1-61713-588-0}} the song was represented by a fish symbol on the tape box for the album.{{cite book|title=The Rough Guide to Nirvana|last=Gaar|first=Gillian G.|year=2009|publisher=Penguin|isbn=978-1-4053-8119-2|pages=194–195}}

It missed inclusion on In Utero, which was released in September 1993, with Cobain later explaining that there were too many "noise" songs on the album.{{cite book|title=Milk It!: Collected Musings on the Alternative Music Explosion of the 90's|last=DeRogatis|first=Jim|year=2003|publisher=Da Capo|isbn=978-0-306-81271-2|page=[https://archive.org/details/milkitcollectedm00dero/page/6 6]|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/milkitcollectedm00dero}} The song instead appeared as the opening track on the compilation album The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience, released in November 1993. It featured an introduction by Mike Judge, voicing the titular characters, as well as commentary at the end, with the characters declaring that the song "kicked ass" and "ruled". The band was given $60,000 by their record label, Geffen Records, for the song. The Beavis and Butt-head Experience compilation album peaked at number 5 on the Billboard 200 album chart, and has since been certified 2× Platinum in the US.{{cite web| url=https://www.riaa.com/goldandplatinumdata.php?content_selector=gold-platinum-searchable-database| title= User must do a search for "Beavis" | publisher=Recording Industry Association of America| access-date=2017-08-11}}

I Hate Myself and Want to Die was also a working title for In Utero.Cross 2002, p. 262{{cite web|first=Lynn |last=Crosbie |url=https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/twenty-years-after-nevermind-cobains-candle-still-burns/article1361280/ |title=Twenty years after Nevermind, Cobain's candle still burns |publisher=The Globe and Mail |date=27 September 2011 |access-date=21 November 2012}} According to Tom Mallon of Rolling Stone, Cobain abandoned the title due to fear that the dark humor of the title would be lost on some critics and fans,{{cite magazine|url=https://www.rollingstone.com/music/pictures/no-apologies-all-102-nirvana-songs-ranked-20140227/44-i-hate-myself-and-want-to-die-0019939|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20140305115211/http://www.rollingstone.com/music/pictures/no-apologies-all-102-nirvana-songs-ranked-20140227/44-i-hate-myself-and-want-to-die-0019939|url-status=dead|archive-date=March 5, 2014|title=No Apologies: All 102 Nirvana Songs Ranked|at=44. "I Hate Myself and Want to Die"|magazine=Rolling Stone|last=Mallon|first=Tom|date=April 8, 2015}} and after being convinced by Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic that the band might end up with lawsuits if Cobain stuck with the original title.Cross 2002, 268 Cobain changed the album's title to Verse Chorus Verse, and then two weeks later to its final title of In Utero. In an October 1993{{cite web|first=Tiffany |last=Bentley |url=http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/events/index.ssf/2012/03/david_fricke_lecture_at_allent.html |title=David Fricke of Rolling Stone magazine tells intimate rock stories during talk at Allentown Art Museum |publisher=lehighvalleylive.com |date=28 March 2012 |access-date=21 November 2012}} interview with David Fricke of Rolling Stone, Cobain explained that he meant the title "as literally as a joke can be", calling it "funny" and claiming it was a reference to the public perception of him "as this pissy, complaining, freaked–out schizophrenic who wants to kill himself all the time."{{cite magazine|first=David |last=Fricke |url=https://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/51942/228308 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20101031083301/http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/51942/228308 |url-status=dead |archive-date=October 31, 2010 |title=Kurt Cobain: The Rolling Stone Interview | Music News |magazine=Rolling Stone |page=3 |date=27 January 1994 |access-date=21 October 2012}}

The liner notes to With the Lights Out incorrectly state that the version included in the set, the demo recorded in January 1993 in Rio de Janeiro, was the version released on The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience.{{cite book |author=Nirvana |year=2004 |title=With the Lights Out |page=Liner notes}}

The Albini-recorded version of "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" was also set to be released as a B-side to the "Pennyroyal Tea" single in April 1994, but the single was recalled following Cobain's death that month, possibly because of the song's title.[http://crimson-ceremony.net/pr3/page.php?id=pt-single-ger Pennyroyal 3 - Pennyroyal Tea single]. crimson-ceremony.net. Retrieved on March 10, 2013.

However, before its planned release in North America and its early May 1994 release in the United Kingdom, the single was already released in Germany. At the time, only retail versions of the CD single made in Germany had been manufactured and distributed. The singles were recalled and destroyed by the record label or retailers, but some copies were put aside, which is apparently the source of surviving copies.{{cite web |last=Gaar |first=Gillian G |date=March 31, 2020 |url=https://www.goldminemag.com/collectors-corner-collector-resources/a-look-at-nirvanas-collectible-recordings |title=A look at Nirvana's collectible recordings |publisher=Goldmine |access-date=April 1, 2020}} Some copies may have been sold by retailers, despite the recall. The single was re-released for Record Store Day in 2014.{{cite news |url=http://www.billboard.com/biz/articles/news/6069804/record-store-day-chart-recap-vinyl-album-sales-reach-historic-high |title=Record Store Day Chart Recap: Vinyl Album Sales Reach Historic High |work=billboard.com |access-date=April 25, 2014}}

Despite the song's title, the lyrics of "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" contain no obvious reference to suicide. In The Rough Guide to Nirvana, Gillian G. Gaar called it an "upbeat, friendly thrash-along" with "nonsense lyrics" whose title lacked a connection with its music.

The song's interlude features Cobain quoting a "Deep Thought" by American comedian Jack Handey.{{cite web |title=Deep Thoughts|url=https://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com}}

In Take a Walk on the Dark Side: Rock and Roll Myths, Legends, and Curses, R. Gary Patterson compared the song to John Lennon{{'s}} "Yer Blues" as "an attempt to explain [Cobain's] introspection".{{cite book|title=Take a Walk on the Dark Side: Rock and Roll Myths, Legends, and Curses|last=Patterson|first=R. Gary|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=Lztkuvi7E7YC|year=2008|publisher=Simon and Schuster|isbn=978-1-4391-0364-7|page=258}} In 2015, Rolling Stone put the song at number 44 on a ranked list of 102 Nirvana songs, calling it "a lurching piece of infectious sludge-pop."

Cobain himself was dismissive of the song, calling it "boring" and saying that the band "could write that song in our sleep". Craig Montgomery, however, who recorded the demo version at BMG Ariola Ltda in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, was impressed with the song, praising its riff and rhythm and saying he thought it could have been a hit.{{cite book|last1=Gaar|first1=Gillian G.|title=In Utero|date=2006|publisher=Continium|location=United States|isbn=0-8264-1776-0|pages=28, 29}}

English musician Noel Gallagher, vocalist and guitarist of the rock band Oasis, mentioned the song while discussing the inspiration behind the 1994 Oasis single "Live Forever", which was conceived as an indirect response to the perceived pessimism of the grunge movement of the early 1990s. "I remember Nirvana had a tune called 'I Hate Myself and Want to Die'," Gallagher said, "and I was like 'Well, I'm not fucking having that.' As much as I fucking like [Cobain] and all that shit, I'm not having that... Kids don't need to be hearing that nonsense. Seems to me that there was a guy who had everything, and was miserable about it."Stop the Clocks [bonus DVD]. Columbia, 2006.

The song is referenced by American indie rock musician Cat Power in the song "Hate" on her 2006 album, The Greatest.{{cite news |last1=Hoby |first1=Hermione |title=Cat Power: 'I'm your worst nightmare – get your dancing shoes on' |url=https://www.theguardian.com/music/2012/aug/18/cat-power-interview-sun |access-date=10 August 2018 |work=The Guardian |date=18 August 2012}}

The Blackout released a parody of the song, titled "I Love Myself and I Want to Live", in 2009.{{cite web |author=Vikkeh |url=http://vikkivendetta.buzznet.com/user/journal/5034731/daily-music-dose-blackout/ |title=Daily Music Dose: The Blackout on Vikkeh~'s Blog - Buzznet |publisher=Vikkivendetta.buzznet.com |date=4 November 2009 |access-date=21 November 2012 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://archive.today/20121209080011/http://vikkivendetta.buzznet.com/user/journal/5034731/daily-music-dose-blackout/ |archive-date=9 December 2012 }} Baton Rouge sludge band Thou released a cover of this song on their EP The Sacrifice.{{cite web|author=Robotic Empire |url=https://roboticempire.bandcamp.com/album/thou-the-sacrifice |title=Thou - The Sacrifice EP}}

• A remix of the In Utero version, done by Albini in 2013, appeared on the 20th anniversary "Deluxe" and "Super Deluxe" versions of In Utero, released in September 2013. The original mix, as featured on The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience and the "Pennyroyal Tea" single, would later appear on the 30th anniversary "Deluxe" and "Super Deluxe" versions of In Utero, released in 2023.

Nirvana

• Kurt Cobain – vocals, guitar, backing vocals
• Krist Novoselic – bass
• Dave Grohl – drums

Production personnel

• Steve Albini – producer, engineer
• Adam Kasper – engineer
• Bob Ludwig – mastering

{{Reflist}}

{{cite book|last=Cross|first=Charles R.|title=Heavier Than Heaven: The Biography of Kurt Cobain|year=2002|publisher=Sceptre|isbn=978-1-444-71389-3}}

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Category:Nirvana (band) songs

Category:1993 songs

Category:Song recordings produced by Steve Albini

Category:Songs written by Kurt Cobain

Category:Satirical songs

Category:Bootleg recordings