That's Not What I Meant!

{{Short description|1987 book by Deborah Tannen}}

{{More citations needed|date=April 2022}}

{{Use mdy dates|date=January 2023}}

{{Infobox book

| name = That's Not What I MEANT! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships

| image = Not what I meant cover.jpg

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| author = Deborah Tannen

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| language = English

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| subject = Relationships

| genre = Nonfiction

| publisher = Ballantine Books

| pub_date = March 12, 1987

| english_pub_date = March 12, 1987

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| pages = 224

| isbn = 978-0-345-34090-0

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That's Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships is Deborah Tannen's first book presenting, for a general audience, her linguistic approach to explaining how ways of speaking affect relationships. Predating by four years her phenomenally bestselling book about gender differences in ways of speaking, You Just Don't Understand, this book approaches communication and miscommunication from a linguistic point of view rather than a psychological one, emphasizing differences between the genders. The book lays out the linguistic devices and rituals that constitute "conversational style", such as indirectness, pacing, pausing, humor, overlap, and interruption, and shows their effects when styles differ.{{Cite web |title=That's Not What I Meant! |url=http://www.deborahtannen.com/thats-not-what-i-meant |access-date=March 20, 2022 |website=Deborah Tannen }}{{Cite web |title=That's Not What I Meant! |url=https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/771526.That_s_Not_What_I_Meant_ |website=goodreads}}