User:A sentient pickle

{{WikiGnome topicon}}{{Infobox Wikipedia user|status=(in space)|image=Pickle.jpg|image_caption=Me|name=A sentient pickle|real_name=Cucumis sativus|gender=Hermaphrodite|location=Space|height=4 inches|hair=Not anymore|eyes=Oh, god no!|handedness=None|blood_type=Water, vinegar, salt|sexuality=Asexual|iq=Above average, for a pickle|spouse=Mrs. Sentient Pickle to you, good sir.}}A sentient pickle is a member of the species Cucumis sativus that has developed the capacity to experience its own existence subjectively. Currently, there are only two know sentient pickles who demonstrate sentience. The first doesn't count, because apparently, he was a human before he made himself into a pickle. The only true native-born sentient pickle is anonymous, and currently is orbiting Iapetus, the third-largest moon of Saturn.

The anonymous pickle is a relatively new user of Wikipedia, utilizing an invisible dyson sphere around the sun (that no one on Earth has thus far been able to detect),{{Efn|Elon Musk has actually outed the pickle twice, and his Mars rocket is a secret attempt to reach the pickle's orbit, but thankfully no one takes him seriously. The pickle already has plants (no pun intended) on Musk's team that will ensure the rocket reaches Mars instead of Saturn|name=|group=}} to power an enormous satellite internet connection back to Earth.{{Efn|Powered by Sprint|name=|group=}} The pickle (he really does prefer 'the pickle') has been on Wikipedia before in a different life, but it learned a few lessons and now uses his incredible pickle powers to rid Wikipedia of missing sources, poor typography, grammar and spelling, and occasionally writes articles on subjects when his sources back on Earth can relay information to him.

He talks about himself in the third person because that makes him more comfortable. He's a pickle, and he understands that most people reading this are humans, and are very judgemental about vegetables that can speak for themselves.{{Efn|Be nice to the sentient pickle. His powers are far beyond what any human can possibly fathom, but he only uses about 2% of them at any given time. You've been warned.|name=|group=}}