User talk:Pdelich#Copyright problem
Suggestions at [[Draft:Hearts of the Dulcimer (film)]]
Hello, film looks interesting and I just watched the trailer; I play mountain dulcimer myself.
The issue right now is that it's not written in an encyclopedic style, but you should be able to fix that easily. You need to avoid abstract phrasings like "about following your dreams" and stick to very dry, factual language. And definitely don't use vague and advertising phrases like "takes you on a heartfelt journey--both musically and narratively--inviting you to see this musical instrument in ways you might not have imagined.". To be blunt, that's just fluff and not actual real information to inform a reader.
That's not to say that emotion can't be noted. If the message of the film is "people playing the dulcimer in the 1960s-1970s felt they were set free from industrialized music", that's fine to note. But don't turn it into "it was a fascinating time, full of struggle and rage, and a yearning for a... etc. etc." sort of emotional verbiage.
Here are the top things needed:
- Remove any emotional/flowery/promotional/"movie trailer voiceover" language from the article. Stick to "just the facts, ma'am".
- Ensure the "Plot summary" section actually summarizes the plot rather than raises an aura of mystery. Plot summaries are very direct on Wikipedia, they concisely say what actually happens in the film. No teasers, no cliffhangers. We don't need a shot-by-shot description, but aim for a paragraph or two of "the film starts out explaining the Appalachian roots of the instrument, then delves into J. Johnson's rediscovery of the instrument for an academic audience in the 1930s. Next it covers how the earliest post-WWII folk clubs adopted the instrument for X reason, etc." Something roughly like that.
- Right now almost all your footnotes don't go to the actual source, but rather to Duclimuse's website. That can get your draft disapproved for copyright violations of the source articles. If the source articles are available online (Mercury News, etc) please link directly to the original source. If not available online, just give us the full name/date/title/publisher of each source, but do not link to copies on Dulcimuse. I suggest looking at WP:Referencing for beginners for ways to tidy-up your footnotes.
- Glance around a little on Google, see if there are any other sources of serious media/academia mentioning the film that you can cite. Not blogs/forums/Facebook/Wordpress, but professional publications that have a reputation for fact-checking, quality control, etc. See WP:Reliable sources.
- You may also find it helpful to take a look at Wikipedia:WikiProject Films/Style guidelines.
If your article gets reviewed just as it is now it'll likely be declined, which isn't a problem, that just means you need to keep fixing it and then Resubmit when ready. Just don't be surprised or let down if it's Declined and you end up having to do several back-forths with reviewers to keep improving until it's ready to publish. MatthewVanitas (talk) 23:36, 5 July 2014 (UTC)
Your submission at [[Wikipedia:Articles for creation|Articles for creation]]: [[Draft:Hearts of the Dulcimer (film)|Draft:Hearts of the Dulcimer (film)]] (July 8)
Please read the comments left by the reviewer on your submission. You are encouraged to edit the submission to address the issues raised and resubmit when they have been resolved.
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David Condrey (talk) 18:45, 8 July 2014 (UTC)