ring theory (psychology)

The concept consists of a series of concentric rings with the person in crisis in the center and each larger ring containing those next closest to the person in crisis.{{Cite news |last=French |first=Jes-C |title=In Trying Times, Try Using Ring Theory |work=Holyoke Enterprise |url=https://www.holyokeenterprise.com/local/trying-times-try-using-ring-theory}} The second ring may include a spouse, parents, children, or siblings of the person in the center. The third ring might include close friends, and the fourth coworkers or less intimate friends. The fifth might include acquaintances, medical professionals, and first responders. A sixth ring could include bystanders.{{Cite web |title=Supporting Grief: Support in, complain out |url=https://speakinggrief.org/get-better-at-grief/supporting-grief/ring-theory |access-date=27 August 2022 |website=Speaking Grief |language=en}}{{Cite web |last=Miller |first=Daniel |date=18 August 2022 |title=Using Ring Theory Paradigm When Dealing With a Terminal Illness {{!}} Psychology Today |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/end-life-matters/202208/using-ring-theory-paradigm-when-dealing-terminal-illness |access-date=27 August 2022 |website=Psychology Today |language=en-US}} In some cases there may be multiple people in the center, such as the parents or children of someone who has died, or a family who has lost their home.{{Cite web |last=Davis |first=Deborah L. |date=26 September 2018 |title=How to Respond to People in Crisis: Comfort In; Dump Out {{!}} Psychology Today |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201809/how-respond-people-in-crisis-comfort-in-dump-out |access-date=27 August 2022 |website=Psychology Today |language=en-US}}

Each person in the diagram is advised to "comfort in, dump out", which Silk calls the "kvetching order". The person in the center of the circle of rings can talk about their stress ("dump") to anyone, but those in other rings can only dump to those in larger rings than their own.{{Cite news |last=Hax |first=Carolyn |author-link=Carolyn Hax |date=16 December 2017 |title=Perspective |language=en-US |newspaper=Washington Post |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-couple-needs-to-learn-how-to-handle-her-health-crisis-together/2017/12/13/b241410a-dc6e-11e7-b859-fb0995360725_story.html |access-date=27 August 2022 |issn=0190-8286}} When talking to someone in a smaller ring than one's own, one can only offer support and comfort and cannot discuss one's own feelings about the situation, as discussing one's own difficult feelings only adds to the stress the person in the smaller ring is already experiencing and is therefore unhelpful. Giving unasked-for advice, sharing of similar experiences, and offering platitudes are examples of non-supportive attempts to support or comfort and are included in "dumping in".

Developmental psychologist Deborah L. Davis, writing in Psychology Today, calls it "a model of caring that clearly, concretely delineates appropriate versus inappropriate interactions with everyone around you during times of crisis or tragedy". Laura Otis, a neuroscientist and literary scholar also writing in Psychology Today, opined, however, that the model might "[keep] friends from reaching out to those in need".{{Cite web |last=Otis |first=Laura |author-link=Laura Otis |date=25 December 2019 |title=A Critique of Ring Theory |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethinking-thought/201912/critique-ring-theory |access-date=27 August 2022 |website=Psychology Today |language=en-US}}

Silk developed the concept when she was being treated for breast cancer and told a colleague who wanted to visit that she was not feeling well enough for visitors.{{Cite web |last1=Silk |first1=Susan |last2=Goldman |last3=Barry |date=7 April 2013 |title=How not to say the wrong thing |url=https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html |access-date=27 August 2022 |website=Los Angeles Times |language=en-US}} The colleague told her Silk's illness was difficult for those around her, too, saying "This isn't just about you." Silk experienced this as an abandonment and loss of support. Soon after, a woman told Silk of a similar experience: when the woman was in intensive care, one of the woman's friends told the woman's husband, "I wasn't prepared for this. I don't know if I can handle it."

Silk and her husband{{Cite web |date=21 January 2022 |title=Circle of Grief: How to Support Someone Who's Grieving |url=https://psychcentral.com/health/circle-of-grief-ring-theory |access-date=27 August 2022 |website=Psych Central |language=en}} wrote an article for the Los Angeles Times:{{Cite web |last=Le Tellier |first=Alexandra |date=24 January 2014 |title=To console someone who's grieving, first try not making it about you |url=https://www.latimes.com/opinion/opinion-la/la-ol-how-to-console-grief-20140124-story.html |access-date=27 August 2022 |website=Los Angeles Times |language=en-US}}

{{Quote|text=Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.}}

Silk's concept has not been empirically validated or tested and no research has addressed her claims, either for or against. Because the emergence and discussion of Ring Theory has taken place in the popular press, the concept lies squarely in the realm of pop psychology.{{cite web |last1=Finch |first1=Jon |title=The Problem with Pop Psychology {{!}} Read More |url=https://ccp.net.au/the-problem-with-pop-psychology/ |website=Centre for Clinical Psychology |access-date=9 April 2025 |language=en-AU |date=13 November 2023}}

Nevertheless, critics in lay publications have laid out critiques of Ring Theory. For example, Emory University professor Laura C. Otis points out that Ring Theory oversimplifies complex human dynamics in which some people in their own crisis may seek meaning by helping others who are also suffering. Additionally, the concept may encourage trauma comparisons in which people may be unclear on who should be silenced. "A person visiting a friend with breast cancer may be experiencing harassment from an abusive ex-partner. In that case, who has the right to tell her troubles to whom? Who should silence herself and restrict her role to listening and comforting?" Otis writes, also noting that stigmatizing words such as "dumping" infantilize emotions by comparing them to waste.{{cite web |last1=Otis |first1=Laura C. |title=A Critique of Ring Theory {{!}} Psychology Today |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethinking-thought/201912/critique-ring-theory |website=www.psychologytoday.com |publisher=Psychology Today |access-date=9 April 2025}} The grief-policing and empathy gatekeeping inherent in Ring Theory may implicitly shame others for appropriate emotional expression if such expression doesn't fit the model.

Additionally, Ring Theory is deeply culture- and gender-coded, with rigid, prescriptive direction about how to deal with others' suffering from a highly individualistic and gendered viewpoint that may not apply across all cultures, particularly collectivist ones, or in gendered contexts.{{cite web |last1=Otis |first1=Laura C. |title=A Critique of Ring Theory {{!}} Psychology Today |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethinking-thought/201912/critique-ring-theory |website=www.psychologytoday.com |access-date=9 April 2025}}

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Category:Psychological concepts

Category:Psychological theories