triangulation (psychology)

In the family triangulation system, the third person can either be used as a substitute for direct communication or can be used as a messenger to carry the communication to the main party. Usually, this communication is an expressed dissatisfaction with the main party. For example, in a dysfunctional family in which there is alcoholism present, the non-drinking parent will go to a child and express dissatisfaction with the drinking parent. This includes the child in the discussion of how to solve the problem of the alcoholic parent. Sometimes the child can engage in the relationship with the parent, filling the role of the third party, and thereby being "triangulated" into the relationship. Alternatively, the child may then go to the alcoholic parent, relaying what they were told. In instances when this occurs, the child may be forced into a role of a "surrogate spouse". The reason that this occurs is that both parties are dysfunctional. Rather than communicating directly with each other, they utilize a third party. Sometimes this is because it is unsafe to go directly to the person and discuss the concerns, particularly if they are alcoholic and/or abusive.{{Citation needed|date=October 2024}}

In a triangular family relationship, the two who have aligned risk forming an enmeshed relationship.{{cite web |title=How triangulation in family relationships can lead to love triangles |url=http://psychotherapist-nyc.blogspot.com/2010/11/how-triangulation-in-family.html |website=psychotherapist-nyc.blogspot.com |publisher=NYC Therapist |access-date=14 September 2015|date=2010-11-06 }}

Triangulation can be a constructive and stabilizing factor. Triangulation can also be a destructive and destabilizing factor. Destabilizing or "bad triangulation" can polarize communications and escalate conflict.{{cite web |last1=Johnson |first1=R. Skip |title=Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle |url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle |website=BPDFamily.com |date=3 January 2020 |publisher=BPDFamily |access-date=4 January 2021}} Understanding the difference between stabilizing triangulation and destabilizing triangulation helps avoid destabilizing situations. Triangulation may be overt, which is more commonly seen in high-conflict families, or covert. {{cite book |last=Carr |first=Alan |title=The Handbook of Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychology: A Contextual Approach |year=2015 |publisher=Routledge |isbn=9781317591504 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=2bFACwAAQBAJ&dq=%22covert+triangulation%22&pg=PT114}}

A 2016 longitudinal study of adolescent relationship skills found that teens who were triangulated into parental conflicts more frequently used positive conflict resolution techniques with their own dating partner, but were also more likely to engage in verbally abusive behaviors. {{cite journal |last=Fosco |first=Gregory |title=Triangulation and Parent-Adolescent Relationships: Implications for Adolescent Dating Competence and Abuse |journal=Journal of Research on Adolescence |year=2016 |volume=26 |issue=3 |pages=524–537 |doi=10.1111/jora.12210 |pmid=28581646 |s2cid=6391632 |url=https://epublications.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1264&context=psych_fac}}

The Perverse Triangle was first described in 1977 by Jay Haley{{cite book |last1=Watzlawick |first1=Paul |last2=Weakland |first2=John H. |title=The Interactional View |url=https://archive.org/details/interactionalvie00watzrich |url-access=registration |publisher=W. W. Norton & Co. |location=Studies at the Mental Research Institute, Palo Alto |year=1977 |isbn=9780393333305 | pages=37-41}} as a triangle where two people who are on different hierarchical or generational levels form a coalition against a third person (e.g., "a covert alliance between a parent and a child, who band together to undermine the other parent's power and authority".)Scarf, Maggie. [https://www.theatlantic.com/past/docs/issues/86nov/scarf2.htm Intimate Partners], The Atlantic, Nov 1986, accessed 04 October 2016 The perverse triangle concept has been widely discussed in professional literature.{{cite book |last1=Hoffman |first1=Lynn |title=Foundations of family therapy: a conceptual framework for systems change |url=https://archive.org/details/foundationsoffa100hoff |url-access=registration |publisher=Basic Books |year=1981 |isbn=9780876687611}} [https://books.google.com/books?id=Z328kfKsYhEC&pg=PA108 Details.]{{citation |last=Staff writer |contribution=perverse triangles (definition) |editor-last=Miermont |editor-first=Jacques |title=The dictionary of family therapy |publisher=Blackwell |isbn=9780631170488 |date=1995-05-10 |url=https://archive.org/details/dictionaryoffami00mier }} [https://dx.doi.org/10.1111/b.9780631170488.1995.x Available online.]{{cite book |last=Gottlieb |first=Linda J. |title=The parental alienation syndrome: a family therapy and collaborative systems approach to amelioration |publisher=Charles C. Thomas Publisher Ltd. |location=Springfield, Illinois |pages=4, 87, 180, 214, 222, 249, 254, 258, 259 |isbn=9780398087364|year=2012 }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=WMTwCAAAQBAJ Preview.]{{cite book |last1=Baker |first1=Amy J. L. |last2=Sauber |first2=S. Richard |title=Working with alienated families: a clinical guidebook |pages=200, 230, 238 |publisher=Routledge |location=New York London |isbn=9780415518031|year=2013 }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=Rxq-Bsj18ZgC&pg=PT172 Preview.]{{citation |last=Childress |first=Craig A. |contribution=Family transitions |editor-last=Childress |editor-first=Craig A. |title=An attachment-based model of parental alienation: foundations |page=33 |publisher=Oaksong Press |location=Claremont, California |year=2015 |isbn=9780996114509 |postscript= .}} Bowen called it the pathological triangle, while Minuchin called it the rigid triangle.{{citation |last=Minuchin |first=Salvador |contribution=Therapeutic implications of a structural approach |editor-last=Minuchin |editor-first=Salvador |title=Families and family therapy |page=[https://archive.org/details/familiesfamilyth00minu/page/102 102] |publisher=Harvard University Press |date=1974 |edition=1st |isbn=9780674292369 |postscript=. |url=https://archive.org/details/familiesfamilyth00minu/page/102 }} For example, a parent and child can align against the other parent but not admit to it, to form a cross-generational coalition.{{citation |last=Adams |first=Jerome |contribution=Milan systemic therapy: glossary |editor-last1=Wetchler |editor-first1=Joseph L. |editor-last2=Hecker |editor-first2=Lorna L. |title=An introduction to marriage and family therapy |page=143 |publisher=Routledge |location=Oxford New York |year=2014 |isbn=9780415719506 | postscript= .}} [https://books.google.com/books?id=B5pIAwAAQBAJ&pg=PA143 Preview.] These are harmful to children.{{cite web |title=peverse triangle (definition) |url=http://behavenet.com/perverse-triangle |website=behavenet.com |publisher=Behavenet |access-date=30 August 2015}}{{cite journal |last1=Kerig |first1=Patricia |title=Revisiting the construct of boundary dissolution revisiting the construct of boundary dissolution |journal=Journal of Emotional Abuse |volume=5 |issue=2–3 |pages=5–42 |doi=10.1300/J135v05n02_02 |date=October 2005 |s2cid=141324161 }}

In the field of psychology, triangulations are necessary steps in the child's development. When a two-party relationship is opened up by a third party, a new form of relationship emerges and the child gains new mental abilities. The concept was introduced in 1971 by the Swiss psychiatrist Ernst L. Abelin, especially as 'early triangulation', to describe the transitions in psychoanalytic object relations theory and parent-child relationship in the age of 18 months. In this presentation, the mother is the early caregiver with a nearly "symbiotic" relationship to the child, and the father lures the child away to the outside world, resulting in the father being the third party.{{citation |last=Abelin |first=Ernst |contribution=The role of the father in the separation-individuation process |editor-last1=McDevitt |editor-first1=John B. |editor-last2=Settlage |editor-first2=Calvin F. |title=Separation-individuation: essays in honor of Margaret S. Mahler |pages=229–252 |publisher=International Universities Press |location=New York |year=1971 |isbn=9780823660650 |postscript= .}} Abelin later developed an 'organizer- and triangulation-model',{{cite web |last=Abelin |first=Ernst |title=The organizer and triangulation model (abbreviated: The O&T-Model) |website=organizer-model.org |url=http://www.organizer-model.org | publisher=Organizer Model}} in which he based the whole human mental and psychic development on several steps of triangulation.

Some earlier related work, published in a 1951 paper, had been done by the German psychoanalyst Hans Loewald in the area of pre-Oedipal behavior and dynamics.{{cite journal |last=Loewald |first=Hans W. |title=Ego and reality |journal=The International Journal of Psychoanalysis |volume=32 |pages=10–18 |publisher=Wiley-Blackwell for the International Psychoanalytical Association |date=1951 |url=http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=ijp.032.0010a }} In a 1978 paper, the child psychoanalyst Selma Kramer wrote that Loewald postulated the role of the father as a positive supporting force for the pre-Oedipal child against the threat of re-engulfment by the mother which leads to an early identification with the father, preceding that of the classical Oedipus complex.{{cite journal |last1=Kramer |first1=Selma |last2=Prall |first2=Robert C. |title=The role of the father in the preoedipal |journal=Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association |volume=26 |issue=1 |pages=143–161 |doi=10.1177/000306517802600108 |pmid=632531 |date=February 1978 |s2cid=37990830 }} Also available [http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=apa.026.0143a here]. This was also related to the work in Separation-Individuation theory of child development by the psychoanalyst Margaret Mahler.{{cite journal |last=Mahler |first=Margaret S. |author-link=Margaret S. Mahler |title=On human symbiosis and the vicissitudes of individuation |journal=Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association |volume=15 |issue=4 |pages=740–763 |doi=10.1177/000306516701500401 |pmid=4170516 |date=October 1967 |s2cid=33386502 }} Also available [http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=apa.015.0740a here.]{{cite journal |last=Mahler |first=Margaret S. |author-link=Margaret S. Mahler |title=Thoughts about development and individuation |journal=The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child |volume=18 |pages=307–324 |date=1963 |url=http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=psc.018.0307a |doi=10.1080/00797308.1963.11822933 |pmid=14147283 }}

:Abstract also printed as: {{citation |last=Mahler |first=Margaret S. |author-link=Margaret S. Mahler |contribution=334. MAHLER, MARGARET SCHOENBERGER. Thoughts about development and individuation. 18:307-324, 1963 |editor-last=Eissler |editor-first=Ruth S. |editor-link=Ruth Selke Eissler |title=The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, volumes 1-25: abstracts and index |page=222 |publisher=Yale University Press |location=New Haven |year=1975 |postscript= .}} [https://books.google.com/books/yup?id=6j1Nz3rx-o8C&pg=PA221 Preview.]

Destabilizing triangulation occurs when a person attempts to control the flow, interpretation, and nuances of communication between two separate actors or groups of actors, thus ensuring communications flow through, and constantly relate back to them. Examples include a parent attempting to control communication between two children, or a relationship partner attempting to control communication between the other partner and the other partner's friends and family.Morrigan, Danu You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Another example is to put a third actor between them and someone with whom they are commonly in conflict. Rather than communicating directly with the actor with whom they are in conflict, they will send communication supporting his or her case through a third actor in an attempt to make the communication more credible.Bailey-Rug C (2014) It's All About ME! The Facts About Maternal Narcissism Destabilizing triangulation can adversely impact children, who may experience increased anxiety and self-blame due to involvement in marital disputes between their parents.{{cite web |last1=Wakefield |first1=M. |title=The Role of Triangulation in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle |url=https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/triangulation-narcissistic-abuse-cycle/ |website=Narcissistic Abuse Rehab |date=5 July 2023 |access-date=19 July 2023 |quote=Triangulation can also occur in families. Research shows that children who experience destabilizing triangulation ”feel caught, trapped, or torn between parents". (Franck & Buehler, 2007).}}

• Karpman drama triangle
• Mind games
• Parental alienation
• Destabilisation

{{reflist|30em}}

• Ernst Abelin (1975): Some further observations and comments on the earliest role of the father. Internat. J. Psycho-Anal. 56:293-302
• Ernst Abelin (1980): Triangulation, the Role of the Father and the Origins of Core Gender Identity during the Rapprochement Subphase. In: Rapprochement, ed. R. Lax, S. Bach and J. Burland. New York: Jason Aronson, S. 151-169.
• Ernst Abelin (1986): Die Theorie der frühkindlichen Triangulation. Von der Psychologie zur Psychoanalyse. In: Das Vaterbild in Kontinuität und Wandel. ed. J. Stork. Stuttgart: Fromann-Holzboog, S. 45-72.
• Actual thoughts on early triangulation by Ernst Abelin: http://www.organizer-model.org

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Category:Interpersonal relationships

Category:Family