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Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover

{{Use mdy dates|date=January 2023}}

{{short description|1992 single by Sophie B. Hawkins}}

{{Infobox song

| name = Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover

| cover = Sophiebhawkins-damniwish1.jpg

| alt =

| type = single

| artist = Sophie B. Hawkins

| album = Tongues and Tails

| B-side =

  • "Don't Stop Swaying"
  • "Listen"

| released = {{start date|1992|3|31}}

| recorded =

| studio =

| venue =

| genre = Rock{{cite magazine|url=https://worldradiohistory.com/Archive-Billboard/90s/1992/Billboard-1992-04-04.pdf|title=Single Reviews: New & Noteworthy|last=Flick|first=Larry|magazine=Billboard|volume=104|issue=14|page=67|date=April 4, 1992|access-date=October 24, 2020}}

| length =

  • 5:23 (album version)
  • 4:08 (radio and video edit)

| label = Columbia

| writer = Sophie B. Hawkins

| producer =

| prev_title =

| prev_year =

| next_title = California Here I Come

| next_year = 1992

| misc = {{External music video|{{YouTube|Lt6r-k9Bk6o|"Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover"}}}}

}}

"Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" is a song written and performed by American singer-songwriter Sophie B. Hawkins. Released in March 1992 as the first single from her debut album, Tongues and Tails (1992), the song achieved success in many countries worldwide; in the United States, it reached number five on the Billboard Hot 100. It also reached the top 10 in six other countries, including Canada, Denmark, New Zealand, and Norway. In the United Kingdom, the single peaked at number 14 on the UK Singles Chart. There were made two different versions of the music video for the song, after the first version was banned from MTV for its erotic content.

Background and composition

The song's lyrics are written from the perspective of a woman who is observing another woman in an abusive relationship. Hawkins has explicitly stated that she is what she terms "omnisexual", which means that a lover's gender does not matter to her.{{cite web|url=http://www.gomag.com/article/an_interview_with_sophie_/|title=An Interview With Sophie B. Hawkins|work=GO Magazine|date=July 10, 2008|access-date=July 14, 2012}} The song encourages people to be open-minded about this as well, with the line "Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed", which is meant to combat homophobia and queerphobia. The homoerotic nature of the song was rare at the time, as not many songs dealt with the erotic or romantic love between two women, but it was not picked up on by a large group of listeners, and it is still glossed over in many articles discussing lesbian representation in love songs.{{Cite web|url=https://www.afterellen.com/music/450885-brief-history-songs-lesbian-sex|title=A Brief History of Songs About Lesbian Sex |website=Afterellen.com|date=August 31, 2015 |access-date=November 1, 2023}}{{Cite web|url=https://www.billboard.com/culture/pride/lesbian-love-best-songs-playlist-7972931/|title=30 Lesbian Love Songs: Women Singing About Women (Updated 2019)|first=Erica|last=Russell|website=Billboard.com|date=February 13, 2019|access-date=November 1, 2023}}

Critical reception

Roch Parisien from AllMusic described the song as "hook-filled mainstream pop".{{cite web|first= Roch |last= Parisien |title= Sophie B. Hawkins – Tongues and Tails |publisher= AllMusic |access-date= November 4, 2020 |url= https://www.allmusic.com/album/tongues-and-tails-mw0000275935}} Upon the release, Larry Flick from Billboard wrote, "Hawkins proves to be a star-in-the-making, delivering a charming vocal over a hypnotic, rock/hip-hop beat. Contagious, sing-along chorus renders tune an unlikely anthem, but one that deserves every bit of airplay it gets."{{cite magazine|first= Larry |last= Flick |title= Single Reviews: New & Noteworthy |magazine= Billboard |date= April 4, 1992 |page= 67 |access-date= October 24, 2020 |url= https://worldradiohistory.com/Archive-Billboard/90s/1992/Billboard-1992-04-04.pdf |author-link= Larry Flick}} Clark and DeVaney from Cash Box felt that the singer-songwriter "has a sexy, breathy and slightly vulnerable sound".{{cite magazine|first1= Randy |last1= Clark |first2= Bryan |last2= DeVaney |title= Music Reviews: Singles |magazine= Cash Box |date= April 11, 1992 |page= 5 |access-date= November 1, 2020 |url= https://worldradiohistory.com/Archive-All-Music/Cash-Box/90s/1992/CB-1992-04-11.pdf}} Stephanie Zacharek from Entertainment Weekly remarked that in the "killer single" "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover", "Hawkins says those words as insouciantly as if she’d just broken a nail. But she still lets you know they mean a hell of a lot more to her than that."{{cite magazine|first= Stephanie |last= Zacharek |title= Tongues and Tails |magazine= Entertainment Weekly |date= May 1, 1992 |access-date= November 11, 2020 |url= https://ew.com/article/1992/05/01/tongues-and-tails/}} Dave Sholin from the Gavin Report stated, "When 1992 is done and gone, we'll likely remember the debut of this singer/songwriter from New York City's Upper West Side as one of the year's musical highlights." He added, "It's not often when programmer consensus is this strong on a new song by an unknown artist, but in this case, it's totally justified. It's one of those that is instantly obvious seconds after it starts."{{cite magazine|first= Dave |last= Sholin |title= Personal Picks: Singles |magazine= Gavin Report |date= March 27, 1992 |page= 48 |access-date= October 17, 2020 |url= https://worldradiohistory.com/Archive-All-Music/Gavin-Report/90/92/Gavin-1992-03-27.pdf}}

Pan-European magazine Music & Media said, "Listen to the extremely strong chorus to this pop song, and you'll understand why."{{cite magazine|title= New Releases: Singles |magazine= Music & Media |date= May 23, 1992 |page= 12 |access-date= October 22, 2020 |url= https://worldradiohistory.com/UK/Music-and-Media/90s/1992/MM-1992-05-23.pdf}} Alan Jones from Music Week named it Pick of the Week, writing, "Brooklyn babe's self-penned multi-textured and multi-format debut is a compelling confection. Soulfully shuffling and coyly chiming, it's armed with a killer hook, and knows it. A curious early fade threatens, before Sophie builds it up again."{{cite magazine|first= Alan |last= Jones |url= https://worldradiohistory.com/UK/Music-Week/1992/MW-1992-06-20.pdf |title= Mainstream: Singles – Pick of the Week |magazine= Music Week |date= June 20, 1992 |page= 8 |access-date= October 2, 2020}} A reviewer from People Magazine noted, "When a record opens with a song called "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover", you realize immediately you're not dealing with some delicate flower. Hawkins knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it."{{cite magazine|url= https://people.com/archive/picks-and-pans-review-tongues-and-tails-vol-37-no-24/ |title= Picks and Pans Review: Tongues and Tails |magazine= People |date= June 22, 1992 |access-date= November 13, 2020}} In a retrospective review, Pop Rescue stated that "this is a wonderfully breathy song which builds well in the chorus and adds more instruments into the second verse."{{cite web|title= Review: "Tongues And Tails" by Sophie B. Hawkins (CD, 1992) |url= https://poprescue.com/2015/11/20/pop-rescue-tongues-tails-sophie-b-hawkins-cd-1992/ |publisher= Pop Rescue |date= November 20, 2015 |access-date= November 24, 2020}} Jonathan Bernstein from Spin wrote, "Not only was her lubricious lament, "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover", the year's stand-alone Great White Pop Single, but it neatly supplanted "I'm Too Sexy" as the phrase on the nation's lips."{{cite magazine|first=Jonathan|last=Bernstein|title=The Year In Pop|magazine=Spin|date=December 1992|page=42|access-date=January 25, 2023|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=uZFqiGmZIPAC}}

Music video

The original music video for the song featured Hawkins lying on her back in a flowing, light-fabric outfit while singing the song, interspersed with scenes of dancers and of Hawkins kneeling down while wearing a combination of a tube top and daisy dukes. At the time, television network MTV banned the original version for its erotic content;{{cite web|url=http://www.gomag.com/article/an_interview_with_sophie_/|title=An Interview With Sophie B. Hawkins|work=GO Magazine|date=July 10, 2008|access-date=July 14, 2012|last=Fitzharris|first=Dustin|quote=...she burst onto the scene with her debut album Tongues and Tails 15 years ago and released "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" with an erotically charged music video that was banned by MTV...}} moreover, Sony Music Entertainment (SME) was still repeatedly banning it from YouTube "on copyright grounds" as of late June 2017. A new video was shot, after the MTV ban, that showed Hawkins in a more conservative outfit of jeans and a flannel shirt, performing the song on a stage together with a band. While the new video was shot entirely in black and white, a significant portion of the original video was in colour (though there were scenes in black and white as well, with some artificial colouring used to artistically enhance the material). A portion of this original video is featured in the documentary The Cream Will Rise.Creme de la Creme by Todd Martinez-Padilla Simmons [http://www.thecreamwillrise.com/cream/cover.htm] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20080705190627/http://thecreamwillrise.com/cream/cover.htm |date=July 5, 2008 }} (Retrieved March 6, 2008) Both video versions used the shorter radio version.

Impact and legacy

Slant Magazine listed "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" at number 100 in their ranking of "The 100 Best Singles of the 1990s" in 2011, writing,

{{cquote|Sophie B. Hawkins's debut single starts off discreetly enough, with the sound of New York City's underground, the soft shuffle of a drum loop, and an opening line worthy of Prince: "That old dog has chained you up all right" Prince, in fact, could have written the song himself, except Hawkins took the sentiment of songs like the Purple One’s "I Wanna Be Your Lover" to grittier, even ballsier territory. One part Led Zeppelin, one part Rolling Stones, and a whole lot of female fortitude, "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" was the most tenacious unrequited-love song of the decade—or maybe ever."{{cite web|url= https://www.slantmagazine.com/features/best-singles-of-the-1990s/ |title= The 100 Best Singles of the 1990s |work= Slant Magazine |access-date= May 3, 2021 |date= January 9, 2011}}}}

Time Out placed it at number 45 in their list of "The 50 Best Gay Songs to Celebrate Pride All Year Long" in 2022.{{cite magazine|url=https://www.timeout.com/music/best-gay-songs|title=The 50 Best Gay Songs to Celebrate Pride All Year Long|magazine=Time Out|date=January 21, 2022|access-date=February 21, 2022}}

Track listings

{{col-begin}}

{{col-2}}

  • US CD and cassette single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=UK CD single liner notes|publisher=Columbia Records|id=38K 74164}}{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=US cassette single sleeve|publisher=Columbia Records|id=38T 74164}}

: Australian CD and cassette single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=Australian CD single liner notes|publisher=Columbia Records|id=657735 2}}{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=Australian cassette single sleeve|publisher=Columbia Records|id=657735 4}}

: Japanese mini-CD single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=Japanese mini-CD single liner notes|publisher=Sony Records|id=SRDS 8230}}

  1. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" – 5:21
  2. "Don't Stop Swaying" – 5:32
  • UK and European 7-inch single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=UK 7-inch single sleeve|publisher=Columbia Records|id=658107 7}}{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=European 7-inch single sleeve|publisher=Columbia Records|id=COL 657735 7}}

: European CD single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=European CD single liner notes|publisher=Columbia Records|id=COL 657735 1}}

:A. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" (radio edit) – 4:08

:B. "Don't Stop Swaying" – 5:32

  • UK CD single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=UK CD single liner notes|publisher=Columbia Records|id=658107 2}}
  1. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" (radio version) – 4:08
  2. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" (long version) – 5:22
  3. "Listen" – 3:31
  4. "Don't Stop Swaying" – 5:32

{{col-2}}

  • UK 12-inch single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=UK 12-inch single sleeve|publisher=Columbia Records|id=658107 6}}

:A1. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" (long version) – 5:22

:B1. "Listen" – 3:31

:B2. "Don't Stop Swaying" – 5:32

  • European maxi-CD single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=European maxi-CD single liner notes|publisher=Columbia Records|id=COL 657735 5}}
  1. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" (radio edit) – 4:08
  2. "Don't Stop Swaying" – 5:32
  3. "Listen" – 3:32
  • European 12-inch single{{cite AV media notes|title=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|others=Sophie B. Hawkins|year=1992|type=European 12-inch single sleeve|publisher=Columbia Records|id=COL 657735 6}}

:A1. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" (radio edit) – 4:08

:A2. "Don't Stop Swaying" – 5:32

:B1. "Listen" – 3:32

:B2. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" (album version) – 5:23

{{col-end}}

Personnel

  • Mixed by David Leonard and Steve Churchyard
  • Produced by Ralph Schuckett and Rick Chertoff

Charts

{{col-begin}}

{{col-2}}

=Weekly charts=

class="wikitable sortable plainrowheaders" style="text-align:center"

!scope="col"|Chart (1992–1993)

!scope="col"|Peak
position

{{single chart|Australia|7|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Canadatopsingles|5|chartid=2172|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Canadaadultcontemporary|37|chartid=1959|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
scope="row"|Denmark (IFPI){{cite magazine|url=https://worldradiohistory.com/UK/Music-and-Media/90s/1992/MM-1992-10-03.pdf|title=Top 10 Sales in Europe|magazine=Music & Media|volume=9|issue=40|page=26|date=October 3, 1992|access-date=January 31, 2020}}

|5

scope="row"|Europe (Eurochart Hot 100){{cite magazine|url=https://worldradiohistory.com/UK/Music-and-Media/90s/1992/MM-1992-08-15.pdf|title=Eurochart Hot 100 Singles|magazine=Music & Media|volume=9|issue=33|page=19|date=August 15, 1992|access-date=January 31, 2020}}

|26

{{single chart|France|45|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Germany|15|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|songid=2500|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
scope="row"|Greece (Virgin){{cite magazine|url=https://worldradiohistory.com/UK/Music-and-Media/90s/1992/MM-1992-07-04.pdf|title=Top 10 Sales in Europe|magazine=Music & Media|volume=9|issue=27|page=24|date=July 4, 1992|access-date=January 31, 2020}}

|8

{{single chart|Ireland2|17|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Dutch40|32|year=1992|week=28|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Dutch100|26|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|New Zealand|4|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Norway|3|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Sweden|12|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Switzerland|11|artist=Sophie B. Hawkins|song=Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|UKsinglesbyname|14|artist=Sophie B Hawkins|artistid=27807|rowheader=true|access-date=December 24, 2020|refname="uk"}}
{{single chart|Billboardhot100|5|artist=Sophie B Hawkins|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}
{{single chart|Billboardadultcontemporary|39|artist=Sophie B Hawkins|rowheader=true|access-date=March 24, 2018}}

{{col-2}}

=Year-end charts=

class="wikitable sortable plainrowheaders" style="text-align:center"

!scope="col"|Chart (1992)

!scope="col"|Position

scope="row"|Australia (ARIA){{cite web|url=https://www.aria.com.au/charts/1992/singles-chart|title=ARIA Top 100 Singles for 1992|publisher=ARIA|access-date=December 24, 2020}}

|18

scope="row"|Canada Top Singles (RPM){{cite magazine|url=http://rpmimages.3345.ca/pdfs/Volume+56-No.+25-December+19%2C+1992.pdf|title=The RPM Top 100 Hit Tracks of 1992|magazine=RPM|volume=56|issue=25|page=8|date=December 19, 1992|access-date=March 23, 2019}}

|32

scope="row"|Europe (Eurochart Hot 100){{cite magazine|url=https://worldradiohistory.com/UK/Music-and-Media/90s/1992/MM-1992-12-19.pdf|title=1992 Year-End Sales Charts|magazine=Music & Media|volume=9|issue=51/52|page=17|date=December 19, 1992|access-date=January 31, 2020}}

|85

scope="row"|Germany (Media Control){{cite web|url=https://www.offiziellecharts.de/charts/single-jahr/for-date-1992|title=Top 100 Single–Jahrescharts 1992|publisher=GfK Entertainment|language=de|access-date=June 9, 2018}}

|61

scope="row"|New Zealand (RIANZ){{cite web|url=https://aotearoamusiccharts.co.nz/archive/annual-singles/1992-12-31|title=End of Year Charts 1992|publisher=Recorded Music NZ|access-date=January 31, 2020}}

|37

scope="row"|Sweden (Topplistan){{cite web|url=http://www.grammotex.se/topp92singlar.htm|title=Årstopplistan 1992, Singlar|publisher=Grammotex|language=sv|url-status=dead|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20010225021610/http://www.grammotex.se/topp92singlar.htm|archive-date=February 25, 2001|access-date=April 7, 2025}}

|61

scope="row"|US Billboard Hot 100{{cite web|url=http://longboredsurfer.com/charts.php?year=1992|title=Billboard Top 100 – 1992|access-date=July 30, 2010|url-status=dead|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20090708050630/http://longboredsurfer.com/charts.php?year=1992|archive-date=July 8, 2009}}

|34

{{col-end}}

Certifications

{{Certification Table Top}}

{{Certification Table Entry|region=Australia|type=single|award=Gold|relyear=1992|certyear=1992|certref=|access-date=December 24, 2020}}

{{Certification Table Bottom|nosales=true}}

Release history

class="wikitable plainrowheaders"

!scope="col"|Region

!scope="col"|Date

!scope="col"|Format(s)

!scope="col"|Label(s)

!scope="col"|{{abbr|Ref.|Reference}}

scope="row"|United States

|March 31, 1992

|Radio

|Columbia

|{{cite magazine|url=https://www.worldradiohistory.com/Archive-All-Music/Billboard/90s/1992/Billboard-1992-04-04.pdf|title=Bigger & Better Prospects for Sophie Hawkins|last=Flick|first=Larry|author-link=Larry Flick|magazine=Billboard|volume=104|issue=14|page=13|date=April 4, 1992|access-date=June 24, 2023}}

scope="row"|Japan

|May 21, 1992

|Mini-CD

|Sony

|{{cite web|url=https://www.oricon.co.jp/prof/99425/products/237771/1/|title=ソフィー・B.ホーキンス {{!}} アイ・ウィッシュ・アイ・ワズ・ユア・ラバー|trans-title=Sophie B. Hawkins {{!}} Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover|publisher=Oricon|language=ja|access-date=March 28, 2025}}

scope="row"|United Kingdom

|June 15, 1992

|{{hlist|7-inch vinyl|12-inch vinyl|CD|cassette}}

|Columbia

|{{cite magazine|title=New Releases: Singles|magazine=Music Week|page=17|date=June 13, 1992}}

Cover versions

  • Black Kids covered it on their "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You" single.
  • Elephant Micah covered it on their 2004 Home of Astronauts EP.
  • Matt Palmer covered is on his 2010 album Let Go.{{Cite web |url=http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mattpalmer2 |title=Matt Palmer | Let Go | CD Baby Music Store |access-date=May 31, 2013 |archive-date=March 18, 2013 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20130318112433/http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mattpalmer2 |url-status=dead }}
  • Spin Aqua covered it as a B-side on their "Mermaid" single.{{Citation needed|date=March 2008}}
  • Former Pussycat Doll J Sutta covered it on her first album Feline Resurrection.
  • Halestorm covered it on their Reanimate 3.0 EP, released in 2017.

References

{{Reflist}}

External links

  • [http://thecreamwillrise.com/cream/video.htm Clips from The Cream Will Rise] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20041027171346/http://thecreamwillrise.com/cream/video.htm |date=October 27, 2004 }}, including a clip describing Hawkins' feelings about the banned "Damn" video
  • [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wwhaI8Movs YouTube – Original video]

{{Sophie B. Hawkins}}

{{Authority control}}

Category:1990s ballads

Category:1992 debut singles

Category:1992 songs

Category:Black-and-white music videos

Category:Columbia Records singles

Category:Lesbian-related songs

Category:LGBTQ-related songs

Category:Music video controversies

Category:Pop ballads

Category:Rock ballads

Category:Song recordings produced by Rick Chertoff

Category:Songs written by Sophie B. Hawkins

Category:Sony Music Entertainment Japan singles

Category:Sophie B. Hawkins songs