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Talk:Basil Collyns/GA1

GA Review

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{{al|{{#titleparts:Basil Collyns/GA1|-1}}|noname=yes}}
:This review is transcluded from Talk:Basil Collyns/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 10:03, 22 August 2022 (UTC)

I'll get to this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 10:03, 22 August 2022 (UTC)

=Prelim=

:*I have replaced the image. Zawed (talk) 09:08, 23 August 2022 (UTC)

  • Earwig reports no copyvio

=Lede and infobox=

  • "achieved a number of aerial victories until his death on 20 August." suggest stating the exact number of victories here

:*I've rephrased the lead to deal with another issue you noted below. Zawed (talk) 10:29, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • "before being killed in action" instead of "until his death"

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:29, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Service years has its own parameter in the infobox

:*Well duh, I know that! {{facepalm}}. Added. Zawed (talk) 10:29, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Lede currently reads like he was part of No. 65 Sqn when he was killed

:*Rephrased and mentioned D-Day as well. Zawed (talk) 10:29, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

=Early life=

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Not sure exactly what the "1930 school athletic sports" were, but if it was just a school-wide competition I think his second place in the high jump and cricket ball throwing skills are probably a little trivial - saying he was a successful sportsman might be more appropriate

:*I've trimmed this - that was added by another editor and I agree that it is somewhat trivial to mention it here. Zawed (talk) 10:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Is Marlborough a place that could be linked?

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

=Second World War=

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:45, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Could add nickname to infobox

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:45, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • "on 5 March 1940" awkward reading when you've discussed dates in 1940 without including the year before this

:*Rejigged some of the mentions of date and dropped the year here. Zawed (talk) 10:45, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Ibid next sentence year repetition

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:45, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 10:45, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

  • He trained on Hurricanes; was this what 238/601/1 Sqns flew?

:* Have added. Zawed (talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Did he see combat/service with 601?

:*Have add mention of one sortie. Zawed (talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • I know we've discussed exact dates for promotions and the like in the past; I think it would be useful to know how soon after his first kill he was promoted. This would all be a lot easier if the London Gazette had carried all the promotions..!

:*Have mentioned more precisely the time of promotion. I haven't put the precise date as one thing I try to do with fighter pilot articles, which I find are often "date heavy" is to vary the language for expressing dates - so if an exact date is in the same or near sentence, I often will say week/month later rather than an exact date. Zawed (talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • What are we considering a "tour of operations" to be?

:*I actually don't know for sure. I *think* it is about 12 months but that may depend on how many sorties were flown in that period as well. Zawed (talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • You provide the associated RAF station for some of his squadrons but not all? E.g. 601, 60 OTU, 485

:*Added. Zawed (talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • You're very selective about which units get put on the infobox list and which don't; what's your criteria?

:*The period of service with some squadrons were quite brief and don't, to my mind, justify going into the infobox. I have put the major ones in though. Zawed (talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • What did 222 fly?

:*Have added. Zawed (talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Suggest noting that CGS was at Sutton Bridge

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • AFDU flew some interesting stuff; are there any more details about what he was doing during the collision flight (and can you say when it was)?

:*Have added the date, but nothing else is available. Zawed (talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Does he only serve at 1493 in June? When is he posted to 65?

:*Have added month of posting for 65. Zawed (talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Move the Normandy link to first occurrence

:*Done. Zawed (talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • "On 19 April" I assume that this is 1944 but you don't say for sure

:*Should be clear now that I have clarified his posting to 65; I think I may have intended to do this when writing up the article but forgot. Zawed (talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

  • Do we know what he was shot down by?

:*No info in the sources. Zawed (talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

=References=

  • References look good, all links work. Might suggest splitting ref. #12 but that's a very minor quibble

:*Have gone ahead and split the ref. Zawed (talk) 02:19, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

{{ping|Zawed}} That's my initial run through finished. Per my earlier edit summary sincere apologies for taking so long on this. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 16:07, 5 September 2022 (UTC)

:{{ping|Pickersgill-Cunliffe}}, thanks for the thorough review. I have dealt with/responded to the various issues identified. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 02:19, 10 September 2022 (UTC)

::{{ping|Zawed}} Passing this article as satisfying the GA criteria. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 13:02, 11 September 2022 (UTC)