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Talk:Bradford Island/GA1

GA Review

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{{al|{{#titleparts:Bradford Island/GA1|-1}}|noname=yes}}
:This review is transcluded from Talk:Bradford Island/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:15, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments

  • The lead feels a little brief, I would aim for a sentence or two from each section of the article to compose one reasonable-sized para for the lead.
  • I would also work to avoid very short sentences, perhaps merging for more engaging prose.
  • USGS is used but not explained or linked in the infobox.
  • "Sacramento–San Joaquin River delta" Delta appears to be capitalised in our article. But you've already linked it in this section anyway...
  • ""Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta" in the infobox does have that capital D but uses a hyphen instead of an en-dash.
  • No need to pipe Jersey Island.
  • "(used to.." why in parentheses?
  • Avoid single-sentence paragraphs (as you have at the start of the Levees section)
  • "n repairs done by" completed rather than "done"
  • No need to link common English words like goat.
  • There's talk in here of 100 people needing evacuation, are earlier Census stats available about that? What's the demographic of the inhabitants of the island?
  • "wooden ship" isn't a particularly useful link.
  • peat is overlinked.
  • " fire district, the fire was" avoid repeat of "fire", maybe switch the second for "conflagration" or similar.
  • "3.6 acres " convert for consistency.
  • Don't force refs into two cols.
  • Make surre refs are properly formatted, e.g. ref 1 is just a link, it needs things like publilshher name, access date etc, and need to be consistently formatted with all the othher refs.
  • Avoid SHOUTING in rref titles.

That's a starter review, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 18:28, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

:Okay, I have taken care of the stuff here as best I can, as well as expanded the article a little. Here is what I did:

:*Fixed the overlinking, dumb pipes to old redirects, minor grammar issues, et cetera. Single-paragraph sentences have been expanded out.

:*I don't really know how the references are displayed; I thought maybe I was using the template to display them in two columns, but instead it seems I am just using the default tags, so it will just display according to whatever the reader's default display settings(?) are. If you think it's a good idea to figure out how to force them into single-column mode, I will do that.

:*The "fire fire" thing, I rewrote the sentence to not have them so close together; didn't like the idea of saying "conflagration" but I can do that also if you want.

:*Fixed the reference (was a normal gnis cite from {{tl|gnis}} which I expanded out into a {{tl|cite web}} invocation. I think this is what you were talking about with the shouting in ref titles, since I don't see any in allcaps now.

:*The population figures are a little confusing: different sources tend to say different things. My impression is that some figures are counting every landowner as a "resident", while some figures are only counting the number of people whose primary residence is on the island, and newspapers just kinda say whatever. I think the numbers might be quite different due to people not spending much time on the island (for example, the Reclamation District itself's address is on nearby Bethel Island).

:Anyway, there is some new stuff as well; thanks for taking the time to give it a look and I will wait happily for the full review. jp×g 23:40, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Lead is still too short, especially now you've expanded the article further.
  • It's geological not geographic in USGS.
  • Make sure all units are converted.
  • The collapsed table needs row/col scopes per MOS:DTT.
  • Webb Tract, San Joaquin River and False River are overlinked.
  • Professional Mariner appears to be a journal so should be in italics.

Bit more to look at. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 20:18, 7 March 2021 (UTC)

:Okay, I have done these things, as well as tried to bang out a decent-looking lead. Lemme know what you think. jp×g 21:55, 7 March 2021 (UTC)

::{{U|JPxG}} hey, looking good. Just think the lead could use a touch more expansion, and one thing from the article, what does HMP mean? Where I live that's "Her Majesty's Prison"..... The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 13:13, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

:::{{ping|The Rambling Man}} Oh, dear. I've clarified on the HMP (here it means Hazard Mitigation Program) and did a bit more with the lede. I've tried to include everything in it from the article that isn't just "list of things that happened here". What do you think? jp×g 02:52, 12 March 2021 (UTC)

::::{{U|JPxG}} great, happy with that so passing, good work. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 07:54, 12 March 2021 (UTC)