Talk:Frank Callan/GA1

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{{al|{{#titleparts:Frank Callan/GA1|-1}}|noname=yes}}
:This review is transcluded from Talk:Frank Callan/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: {{User|BennyOnTheLoose}} 01:23, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: EnthusiastWorld37 (talk · contribs) 13:05, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

Shall review EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 13:05, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

• "and argued that technique should be tailored to players." - {{xt|techniques}}
• "Callan was acknowledged as the leading snooker coach." - please state by whom

• "Callan won the Fleetwood and District Amateur Snooker Championship in 1950. It was the first time he had entered the competition." - I believe that these two sentences could be merged together by shortening and rewording the second
• "receiving 21 points start in each frame," - {{xt|receiving a 21-point start in}}
• "His most notable tournament win" - how about {{xt|victory}}?

• The first mention of the term cue could do with being wikilinked to cue stick
• "He was renowned" - attribution please
• "with a players technique" - {{xt|player's}}
• I might be wrong but I believe that Commonwealth Club in the prose is the club mentioned in Blackpool Mecca. If that is the case, it can be wikilinked to there

:*Good spot - I found [http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/lancashire/hi/people_and_places/history/newsid_8121000/8121367.stm this BBC article] that confirms it.

• The word tables in the sentence "Callan was impressed that Davis was researching the quality of the various tables at the club before playing in a competition there" can be wikilinked to Billiard table
• "and Parrot was champion in 1991." - typographical error denoted in bold
• "However, a few years laterGriffiths reduced his engagement with Callan," - How many years later exactly? Do we know?

:*According to Griffiths' autobiography, he started working with Callan in 1985 (p.119); the book was published in 1989 and Griffiths wrote "I have not been going to see Frank quite so much in the past year or so." (p.121)

• "like the ideal length" - {{xt|such as}}
• "deal length for Griffith's cue action." - {{xt|Griffiths's}}
• "After winning the UK title, Mountjoy said "Without Frank Callan, I would be nothing" - this sentence is missing a full stop

:*I added punctuation (after the quote mark, as there is a comma after "nothing" in the original)

• "rather than tailored approach" - {{xt|rather than a}}

• The reference with the title "Crucible champions: Every World Snooker Championship winner profiled including Alex Higgins, Ronnie O'Sullivan and Stephen Hendry" is missing the access date

That is what I found on the first pass. On hold EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 18:32, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

:*Many thanks, {{u|EnthusiastWorld37}}. I've amended the article as per your comments above. Please et me know if anything else is needed. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:38, 29 September 2024 (UTC)

:**{{reply|BennyOnTheLoose}} Am satisfied with the changes. The article can be promoted to GA status EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 19:57, 30 September 2024 (UTC)