Talk:Jim Sheddan/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 04:19, 27 November 2022 (UTC)
=Initial review=
=Review 1=
{{ping|Zawed}} Please fix or argue your case to leave it alone. Thanks. Djmaschek (talk) 19:59, 29 November 2022 (UTC)
- Second World War, paragraph 1: "Prone to ill-discipline and excessive drinking". (It is not 100% clear to me whether this clause applies to Sheddan or to the whole squadron. Please clarify.)
:*Have revised this section a little for clarity. Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)
- Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 1: "had to be towed by to England" (Typo: Remove "by".)
:*Whoopsie, fixed. Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)
- Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 2, sentence 1: "The following spring" (Change to: "In spring 1944". The previous paragraph already stated, "In October the following year". Giving the year keeps the reader from having to refer back to the previous paragraph.)
:* Done. Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)
- Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 3, sentence 1: "commissioned ... in September" ("September 1944".)
:*Done.
- Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 4: "However, his wingman was killed during the encounter and the upset Sheddan never put in a formal claim." (I understand the meaning. However, when I first read the sentence, I was confused when I got to "the upset Sheddan" and had to reread it. Perhaps, the sentence would read more smoothly if it said something like: "Sheddan was so upset that he never put in a formal claim.")
:*I have rephrased this along the lines suggested. {{ping|Djmaschek}}, thanks for picking this article up for review, I have responded to your feedback as above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)
::*{{ping|Zawed}} GA class. Djmaschek (talk) 02:15, 30 November 2022 (UTC)