Talk:Macau at the 2012 Summer Paralympics/GA1

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{{al|{{#titleparts:Macau at the 2012 Summer Paralympics/GA1|-1}}|noname=yes}}
:This review is transcluded from Talk:Macau at the 2012 Summer Paralympics/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:00, 16 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments

• "in London, United Kingdom from" no need for "United Kingdom" but if you insist on it, put a comma after it.
• Added comma MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "at an Summer" a
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• Could link Standard-bearer for "flag bearer".
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• So a high jumper participated in the long jump? Can that be explained?
• Reworded MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• You can link Macau again in the main part of the article, after the lead.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "Paralympic movement" can be linked to Paralympic Games.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "territory's National Olympic Committee" put territory's into the pipe because we have an article called National Olympic Committee and this is potentially confusing.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "entered some international organisations" what do you mean?
• Removed that part of the sentence MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "but have never" it was "has" in the previous sentence.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "2012 London Games" can link here.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• That first Background section could use some sentence merging for flow, it's a lot of short sentences which makes for clunky reading.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• What makes topendsports.com a reliable source?
• Replaced MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "10 September.[12][10] " order.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "the London Games.[17] These London Paralympics" repetitive, and short-sentence syndrome strikes again.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "had partaken in" taken part in
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "he partook in" -> "took part" or even "competed" perhaps.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "he did not have one of the best eight marks in his first three jumps, Tong took no further part in the event, coming ninth overall" not sure about "marks", after all it's the distance, not some kind of score.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• I would include units in the distance column of the table, i.e. 4.63 m.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• Avoid using semi-colons for sub-headings, they are poor for accessibility.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "a 27 year old" -> "a 27-year-old"
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "acquired the necessary results to qualify for the Games" elucidate.
• Reworded sentence MWright96 (talk)
• "at the ExCeL London" either "the ExCeL arena" or "at ExCeL London".
• Done the latter MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "by index" what's that?
• Clarified MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• "5-4" en-dash (per MOS:DASH) not hyphen.
• Done MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)

That's all I have, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 11:22, 17 March 2021 (UTC)

• {{reply|The Rambling Man}} Have made changes to the article based on the queries raised above MWright96 (talk) 13:38, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
• Ok, looks alright to me, so promoting. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 14:58, 17 March 2021 (UTC)