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Talk:Meteor III/GA1

GA Review

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{{al|{{#titleparts:Meteor III/GA1|-1}}|noname=yes}}
:This review is transcluded from Talk:Meteor III/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 13:11, 14 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments

  • Article title needs italicising, use something like {{tl|italic title}}.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:31, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • I know the article is brief, but the lead could use a little more.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:09, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • German Emperor in the lead, Kaiser in the infobox, be consistent.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:30, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • Where is the tonnage in the infobox referenced?

:{{Done}} - Reference [1} "[https://www.arbeitskreis-historischer-schiffbau.de/mitglieder/modelle/meteor3/ Schonerjacht METEOR III]" says Verdrängung 314 t. Removed tonnage numbers of 162 NRT and 170 GRT as no references could be found to verify these.

  • "Yampa passed through several" -> "Yampa had several"

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:08, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "eventually purchased by the German emperor." "was" missing here. And again, be consistent with Wilhelm's title.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:17, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • " in foreign regattas" foreign to Germany?

:{{Done}} - changed "foreign" to European

  • "was so well pleased" no need for well.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:40, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "the naval architect Smith" probably should introduce him as this, not wait until his third mention.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:44, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "had going of naming" no need for "going".

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:52, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Meteor III, was built" no comma.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:19, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "to put together " construct?

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:21, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Miss Alice Roosevelt" why Miss?

:{{Done}} - took out "Miss" and copy edited to show "18 year old daughter." --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:33, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "emperor's younger brother, Prince Henry of Prussia, traveled from Europe to New York City to attend as the Kaiser's " emperor and Kaiser in the same sentence!

:{{Done}} - corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:23, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "10:30 A.M." -> 10:30 a.m. (with a non-breaking space).

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:26, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Miss Roosevelt christened the American-built schooner constructed for the emperor " Alice. And we know it was American-built and constructed for the emperor already, no need to repeat again.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:34, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "The yacht up to that point was just labeled job No. 24 by the shipyard. " -> "Up to that point, the yacht was referred to as job no. 24 by the shipyard"

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:36, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Next to her was Prince Henry, President Roosevelt, and a group of official guests." you've said most of this already.

:{{Done}} - removed this sentence. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:44, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "The time was 10:39 in the morning." odd brief sentence, merge the salient point (10:39 a.m.) into one of the preceding sentences.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:45, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "As the champagne was still foaming" sounds like a tabloid report.

:{{Done}} - removed. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:52, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Miss Roosevelt used a silver looking nickel hatchet to cut the cord that then released the yacht into the water" repeating a little of the previous sentence. And just stick with Alice. And do you mean "silver-looking"?

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:54, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Cannons were fired and brass bands were played. There " merge, "Cannons were fired, brass bands played and there ..."

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:57, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Meteor III yacht leaving" italics for yacht name.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:01, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "was launched into the water a message" comma after water.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:18, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Harries put the yacht for sale " maybe USEng, but I'd say "up" for sale.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:31, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "sale in 1921 at Barcelona, Spain.[22] It sold in 1922 " repetitive.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:31, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "n 1924 Bunau-Varilla sold her to Italian " rename the boat here.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:32, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "for a few months" not encyclopedic tone.

:{{Done}} corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:35, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "who didn't " avoid contractions.

:{{Done}} corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:51, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "resold her to Gerald S. Foley who later sold her to a Mr. David Feinburg. Feinburg sold" repetitive repetitive.

:{{Done}} - corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:52, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "The Navy requisitioned" by the time we've done the rounds, worth emphasising that this was the United States Navy.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:56, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "and became the property" she became.

:{{Done}} - copy edited. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:57, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • You abbreviate WSA but never use it, pointless.

:{{Done}} - removed "WSA" --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:01, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "owners updated the yacht during their ownership" repetitive.

:{{Done}} - corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:06, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "by the War Shipping Administration since" okay so use WSA here instead.

:{{Done}} - copy edited accordingly. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:10, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • " the yacht was originally built in 1902. The yacht that" repetitive "the yacht".

:{{Done}} - copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:24, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "broken up and taken apart" tautological.

:{{Done}} - copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:25, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • "Meteor III was based on the Yampa design. (circa 1902)" -> "Meteor III (circa 1902) was based on the Yampa design."

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:30, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • waterline or water-line?

:{{Done}} corrected to 120 feet on the water line --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:37, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • " the emperor.[5][7][30] The emperor " repetitive.

:{{Done}} - copy edited accordingly. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:45, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • " in Colonial Adams" no idea what this means.

:{{Done}} copy edited and linked. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:56, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • Spaced hyphens in the ref titles should be spaced en-dashes.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:07, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

  • Italics for ship names throughout.

:{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:31, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

That's it on a first pass. On hold. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 18:35, 14 April 2020 (UTC)

:{{ping|The Rambling Man}} - all issues addressed. Can you take another look at it now. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:33, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

::{{U|Doug Coldwell}} vastly improved, really good work. I made a couple of minor tweaks, but I'm good to go with promotion now, so well done. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 13:50, 16 April 2020 (UTC)