Login
Login

Talk:Moses Bensinger/GA1

GA Review

{{Good article tools}}

{{al|{{#titleparts:Moses Bensinger/GA1|-1}}|noname=yes}}
:This review is transcluded from Talk:Moses Bensinger/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:50, 7 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments

  • The lead is just a little brief for me, I usually aim for something from each level 2 heading in there (a good sanity check to see if new sections are needed too!)

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:54, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "Brunswick-Balke-Collender Company" can't this be linked?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:49, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Early life section, latter four sentences are very short and disrupt readability, can you merge them, perhaps in pairs, to give a better reading experience?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:02, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

  • I think it's fair to linked billiard and pool table in the main body.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:08, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Any reason Chicago isn't linked in the infobox?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:08, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "a couple of others " feels too informal in tone for an encyclopedic article.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "This competitive company," why "competitive?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "new merged company formed was incorporated " I'm confused by this wording.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • A lot of the Mid life section talks about company names/mergers/incorporations etc, and not much about Bensinger.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "into bowling manufacturing" what does that mean? Bowling balls or equipment or what?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:54, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • " played mostly by Germans in dimly lit Chicago saloons " sounds anecdotal, do you really mean that the sport lacked any kind of competitive organisation?

:*{{Done}} Correct. Jones (page 66) = In the 1890s Moses Bensinger, Brunswick president saw great potential in the then-disorganized sport of bowling,

::::::: Cayton (page 881) = Bowling was a regional sport played in dimly lit German saloons until the 1890s when it separated from taverns.

  • "Bensinger helped coordinate and " something missing here it feels.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • And you link bowling on the second mention here, unless that "german" bowling wasn't ten pin...

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "He started then to make bowling balls and pins for new bowling alleys." wasn't this what happened in 1888 in the previous paragraph?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "Bensinger, Brunswick's German-Jewish son-in-law," eh?? Dropped that in before saying he got married to Brunswick's daughter? Seems odd ordering.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Don't think A.B.C. needs those full stops.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "daughter of John M. Brunswick..." shouldn't JMB be mentioned and linked prior to this?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Oh, what happened to the jewelry business?

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Seems odd to have the billiard table and clubs/associations sections after his death section...

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "that had his billiard" that used his.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Ref 3 has an odd formatting thing going on.
  • A-K should be A–K.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • ISBNs should be consistently formatted.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Rapoport has a "." after the ref.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Close off the small text after the bibliography so it doesn't impact the External links section.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

  • "American billiards" ext link could use a better description.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

That's it on a quick pass, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 15:28, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

:{{working}} Thanks for review. I'll start on the issues.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:33, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

::*{{ping|The Rambling Man}} All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

:::*{{U|Doug Coldwell}} Hi Doug, I'll take a look tomorrow morning (it's nearly bedtime for me). Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 21:45, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

::*{{ping|The Rambling Man}} FWIW - I worked for Brunswick Corporation in the 1970s. I was a technician and repaired Automatic scorer computers in the 1970s in the state of Michigan. At the time Brunswick was in Muskegon and I lived some 80 miles (130 km) away in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I worked out of my home. Presently I live in Ludington, Michigan - some 50 miles (80 km) from Muskegon. [https://www.mlive.com/news/muskegon/2013/01/historic_brunswick_bowling_man.html The Brunswick manufacturing plants have since been torn down .] --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:15, 10 March 2021 (UTC)

:::*That's fascinating. I was first introduced to bowling in the late 1980s when I worked at RAF Bentwaters and have bowled ever since. My most treasured memory of my ex-local bowling alley was getting a guided tour from the technician and to get an insight into why it went wrong so frequently! The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 13:19, 10 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Ref 34 has a weird period thing going on.

:*{{Done}} stumped!!!? Everything looks correct to me. I'll fix it, however I need some more clues of what the issue is. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

  • Ref 49 needs The Republic to be disambiguated.

:*{{Done}} --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 13:36, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

::*I'm controlling the virus = I use Norton Antivirus - will that work? He, he, he, he.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

::*{{ping|The Rambling Man}} All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

:::*It's weird, there's a period on the line under the ref, but if I make the page a bit narrower, it just goes where it should go. How odd. So I'll pass the nom! Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 16:06, 11 March 2021 (UTC)