shalom bayit

The term sh'lom beto ({{Hebrew Name 1|שְׁלוֹם בֵּיתוֹ||lit. peace of his home}}) is found in the TalmudTractate Shabbat 23b regarding domestic peace in general. Nowadays, it is mostly used regarding matrimonial peace. This likely came from interpretations of the Mishneh Torah, in which the task of lighting candles in the home during Sabbath or Hanukkah is attributed to bringing divine peace into the home.{{Cite web |title=Mishneh Torah, Scroll of Esther and Hanukkah 4:14 |url=https://www.sefaria.org/Mishneh_Torah,_Scroll_of_Esther_and_Hanukkah.4.14?lang=bi&with=all&lang2=en |access-date=2023-04-25 |website=www.sefaria.org}}

Throughout the history of the Jewish people, Jews have held an ideal standard for Jewish family life that is manifested in the term shalom bayit. Shalom bayit signifies completeness, wholeness, and fulfillment. Hence, the traditional Jewish marriage is characterized by peace, nurturing, respect, and chesed (roughly meaning kindness, more accurately loving-kindness), through which a married couple becomes complete. It is believed that God's presence dwells in a pure and loving homeSotah 17a

In Jewish culture, a marriage is described as a "match made in heaven," and is treated as a holy enterprise. For example, the Jewish betrothal ceremony is referred to in classical rabbinic literature as Kiddushin (meaning hallowing / sanctification / consecration). By declaring the marriage union sacred, a couple stands sanctified before God. It is in a relationship where both husband and wife recognize each other as creations in God's image and treat each other accordingly that true sanctity emanates forth. Moreover, this sanctity of the marital union reminds the Jewish husband and wife to express their holiness through marriage and to build a home based on mutual love, respect, and chesed.[http://members.aol.com/Agunah/marriage.htm The Jewish Laws of Marriage]

The greatest praise the Talmudic rabbis offered to any woman was that given to a wife that fulfils the wishes of her husband.Nedarim 66b The husband too was expected to love his wife as much as he loves himself, and honour her more than he honours himself;Sanhedrin 76b indeed, one who honours his wife was said, by the classical rabbis, to be rewarded with wealth.Baba Metzia 59b Similarly, a husband was expected to discuss with his wife any worldly matters that might arise in his life.

Tough love was frowned upon; the Talmud forbids a husband from being overbearing to his household,Gittin 6b and domestic abuse by him was also condemned.{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Husband and wife|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=986&letter=H}} It was said of a wife that God counts her tears.

Contemporary rabbinical sources have also clarified explicit guidelines for maintaining shalom bayit. These include ritual practices, such as observing niddah, partaking in the mikveh, or checking one's tefillin. Behavioral practices include mutual respect, honor, and communication, yet some sources argue for strict conflict avoidance or differing in opinions. Oftentimes, the responsibility of maintaining shalom bayit is likened to the gender role for women.{{Cite web |date=2015 |title=Married Life and Shalom Bayis |url=https://www.sie.org/templates/sie/article_cdo/aid/2632560/jewish/Married-Life-And-Shalom-Bayis.htm |access-date=April 25, 2023 |website=SICHOS in English}}

In Jewish thought and law, domestic harmony is an important goal; to this end, an early midrash argues that a wife should not leave the home too frequently.Genesis Rabbah 65:2

The goal may even warrant engaging in a "white lie". According to the Talmud, when God tells Sarah she will give birth to a son, she expresses disbelief, saying: "After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my husband being old also?" But when God speaks to Abraham, he says: "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?{{'"}} (Genesis: 18:12-13). The rabbis comment that God omitted Sarah's mention of Abraham's age out of concern for their shalom bayit.{{cite web |url=http://learningtogive.org/faithgroups/voices/shalom_bayit.asp |title=Shalom Bayit: The Paradigm of the Peaceful Jewish Marriage |access-date=2009-02-16 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20090212020057/http://learningtogive.org/faithgroups/voices/shalom_bayit.asp |archive-date=2009-02-12 }}

Due to its attribution to divinity in orthodox communities, shalom bayit has been linked with traditional concepts of gets and agunot as contributing to a system of marriage and divorce which fosters a cycle of domestic abuse.{{Cite journal |last=Kaye |first=Brea |date=2018 |title=Marriage, Divorce, and Domestic Violence in Israel's Orthodox Communities |url=https://soundideas.pugetsound.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1077&context=writing_awards |journal=Sound Ideas Writing Excellence Award Winners |via=University of Pugent Sound – Sound Ideas}} Shalom bayit is attributed to being a barrier for the escape of a battered woman,{{Cite journal |last=Guthartz |first=Stacey |date=2004-01-01 |title=Domestic Violence and the Jewish Community |url=https://repository.law.umich.edu/mjgl/vol11/iss1/2 |journal=Michigan Journal of Gender & Law |volume=11 |issue=1 |pages=27–61 |issn=1095-8835}} for fear of the shame brought to those denied a get and claims by the abuser that asking for a get is a disruption to marital peace, thus violating a divine blessing.

• Jewish view of marriage
• Get (divorce document)

{{reflist}}

• [https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/477632/jewish/marital-harmony.htm Chabad.org: Marital Harmony]
• [http://www.shalom-bayit.org/ Shalom Bayit: Ending Domestic Violence in Jewish Homes]

{{Women in Judaism|state=expanded}}

Category:Jewish marital law

Category:Hebrew words and phrases

Category:Reconciliation