Demisexuality

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The term was coined in the Asexual Visibility and Education Network Forums in February 2006. Based on the theory that allosexuals experience both primary and secondary sexual attraction and asexuals do not experience either, the term demisexual was proposed for people who experience the latter without the former. However, David Jay suggested a similar word in 2003, called semisexual.{{Cite web |title=Asexual History |url=https://prezi.com/mhbrxuwgke5y/asexual-history/ |access-date=2024-11-22 |website=prezi.com |language=en}}{{Cite book |last1=Cerankowski |first1=Karli June |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=XbgTAwAAQBAJ&dq=%22semisexual%22+%222003%22&pg=PT101 |title=Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives |last2=Milks |first2=Megan |date=2014-03-14 |publisher=Routledge |isbn=978-1-134-69253-8 |language=en}}{{Cite journal |date=2014 |title=Radical Identity Politics: Asexuality and Contemporary Articulations of Identity |url=https://www.academia.edu/39842657 |journal=Asexualities |pages=93}}{{Cite web |date=2013-06-19 |title=INFOGRAPHIC: The Asexual Spectrum |url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/asexual-spectrum_n_3428710 |access-date=2024-11-22 |website=HuffPost |language=en}}

Demisexuality, as a component of the asexuality spectrum, is included in queer activist communities such as GLAAD and The Trevor Project. Demisexuality also has finer divisions within itself.{{Cite web |last=Pasquier |first=Morgan |date=2018-10-18 |title=Explore the spectrum: Guide to finding your ace community |url=https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community |archive-date=August 1, 2020 |website=glaad.org |access-date=July 22, 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200801045947/https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community |url-status=live }}{{Cite web|url=https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/|title=Asexual|access-date=July 22, 2020|archive-date=April 6, 2021|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210406125426/https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/|url-status=live}}

The word gained entry to the Oxford English Dictionary in March 2022, with its earliest usage recorded in 2006 as a noun.{{cite news | url=https://public.oed.com/blog/the-oed-march-2022-update/ | title=Content warning: May contain notes on the OED March 2022 update | newspaper=Oxford English Dictionary | date=March 15, 2022 }}

Since 2019, the app Tinder includes demisexual as an option for self-descriptors of sexual orientation on profiles.{{Cite web |last=O'Brien |first=Sara Ashley |date=2019-06-04 |title=Tinder adds sexual orientation feature to aid LGBTQ matching {{!}} CNN Business |url=https://www.cnn.com/2019/06/04/tech/tinder-glaad-sexual-orientation/index.html |access-date=2023-01-06 |website=CNN |language=en}}

Demisexuality is used to describe individuals who feel sexually attracted to someone only after developing a close or strong emotional bond with them. Some demisexuals will also feel romantic attraction, while others do not. The duration of time and the degree of interpersonal knowledge and bonding required for a demisexual person to develop sexual attraction may be highly variable between individuals. There is a lack of clear definitions for what qualifies as a close or strong bond in this context, which can cause confusion.

Unlike other words used to describe sexual orientations, the term "demisexuality" does not indicate which gender or genders a person finds attractive.{{cite web |url=https://www.health.com/demisexual-7099485 |title=Everything You Need to Know About Demisexuality |last=Demmer |first=Jenna |date=February 22, 2023 |website=Health |access-date=August 7, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230320170107/https://www.health.com/demisexual-7099485 |archive-date=March 20, 2023}}

{{dist|Split attraction model}}

• Primary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell). Primary sexual attraction is characterized as being experienced at first sight.
• Secondary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on information that is not instantly available (such as personality, life experiences, talents, etc.); how much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them before secondary sexual attraction develops varies from person to person.{{Cite web |date=2018-06-25 |title=Explore the spectrum: guide to finding your ace community |url=https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community |access-date=2022-07-20 |website=GLAAD}}

After secondary sexual attraction is developed, demisexuals are not only aroused by personality traits. They also may or may not experience arousal or desire based on the physical traits of the persons whom they have already experience secondary sexual attraction towards.{{Cite web |date=2021-06-24 |title=What demisexual means and how to be an ally |url=https://www.newsweek.com/demisexual-definition-ally-asexual-difference-1603669 |access-date=2022-07-23 |website=Newsweek}}

A misconception is that demisexual individuals cannot engage in casual sex.{{Cite web |title=5 Damaging Misconceptions About Demisexuality |website=Healthy Place |url=https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2021/7/5-damaging-misconceptions-about-demisexuality |last=Hubert |first=Nori Rose |date=July 10, 2021 |access-date=August 8, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210710225848/https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2021/7/5-damaging-misconceptions-about-demisexuality |archive-date=July 10, 2021}} Demisexuality refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction; it does not describe a choice or an action, but describes a feeling instead.{{Cite web |last=White |first=Ro |date=2021-04-13 |title=You Need Help: How Do I Explore Casual Sex If I'm Demisexual? |url=https://www.autostraddle.com/demisexual-casual-sex |access-date=2022-07-26 |website=Autostraddle}} While it is common for demisexuals to not desire sex without feeling sexually attracted to the other person, this is not required to be considered demisexual. Many demisexuals may choose to engage in casual sex even without experiencing sexual attraction towards their sexual partner.{{Cite web |title=Can Demisexuals Have Casual Sex? |website=Her Campus |url=https://www.hercampus.com/school/western/can-demisexuals-have-casual-sex |last=Barghiel |first=Naomi |date=September 13, 2019 |access-date=August 7, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210512080723/https://www.hercampus.com/school/western/can-demisexuals-have-casual-sex |archive-date=May 12, 2021}}

Some demisexual, gray-asexual and asexual individuals (all included under the "ace umbrella") use the terms positive, favorable, neutral or indifferent, averse, or repulsed to describe how they feel about sex. Nonetheless, these terms can be used by anyone, regardless of whether they are asexual spectrum or not.{{Cite web |title=Attitudes Toward Romance or Sex – The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project |url=https://taaap.org/learn/attitudes-toward-romance-or-sex |access-date=2022-07-23}}

• Sex-repulsed: feeling repulsed or uncomfortable towards the thought of engaging in sex.{{Cite web |last=Wynne |first=Griffin |date=2021-08-02 |title=Sex-Repulsed |url=https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a37181073/sex-repulsed |access-date=2022-07-20 |website=Cosmopolitan}}
• Sex-indifferent: no particular positive or negative feelings towards sex. Sex-indifferent individuals might partake in sex or avoid it.
• Sex-favourable: sex-favourable individuals enjoy sex and may seek it out.{{Cite web |last=Wareham |first=Jamie |title=How To Be An Asexual Ally: Learn Why Some Asexual People Have Sex (And Accept That Most Don't) |url=https://www.forbes.com/sites/jamiewareham/2020/10/25/how-to-be-an-asexual-ally-learn-why-some-asexual-people-have-sex-and-accept-that-most-dont |access-date=2022-07-20 |website=Forbes}}
• Sex-ambivalent: experiencing mixed or complicated feelings regarding the act or concept of sexual interaction, usually fluctuating between sex-neutral, sex-favorable or sex-positive and sex-repulsed, sex-negative or sex-averse.{{Cite web |title=About Asexuality and Aromanticism – Asexual & Aromantic Community and Education Club |url=https://sophia.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism |access-date=2022-07-20}}

These terms are generally used to refer to someone's opinion about engaging in sexual activities themself. However, they might also be used to describe how they feel reading, watching, hearing about, or imagining these activities. The term -repulsed in particular is often used to refer to one's feelings about engaging in sexual activities or being around them. One's feelings can vary depending on the situation or other factors such as identity, societal context, common social understanding or intent of actions or comfort level with another individual. For example, someone who is aegosexual may enjoy thinking about sexual activities involving others but may feel repulsed upon the thought of personally participating in such activities.{{Cite journal |last1=Winter-Gray |first1=Thom |last2=Hayfield |first2=Nikki |date=2019-10-22 |title='Can I be a kinky ace?': How asexual people negotiate their experiences of kinks and fetishes |url=http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2019.1679866 |journal=Psychology & Sexuality |volume=12 |issue=3 |pages=163–179 |doi=10.1080/19419899.2019.1679866 |s2cid=210570094 |issn=1941-9899}}{{Cite journal |last=Bogaert |first=Anthony F. |date=2012 |title=Asexuality and Autochorissexualism (Identity-Less Sexuality) |url=https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22576251 |journal=Archives of Sexual Behavior |volume=41 |issue=6 |pages=1513–1514 |doi=10.1007/s10508-012-9963-1 |issn=1573-2800 |pmid=22576251|s2cid=45261209 }}

Demisexuality is a common theme (or trope) in romantic novels that has been termed "compulsory demisexuality".McAlister, Jodi. "First Love, Last Love, True Love: Heroines, Heroes, and the Gendered Representation of Love in the Category Romance Novel." Gender & Love, 3rd Global Conference. Mansfield College, Oxford, UK. Vol. 15. 2013 In this genre, the paradigm or trope of sex being only truly pleasurable and fulfilling when the partners are in love is a trait most commonly associated with female characters. The added requirements for a connection to occur may engender or reinforce feelings that the connection is unique or special.{{cite journal|title='That complete fusion of spirit as well as body': Heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel|first=Jodi|last=McAlister|date=1 September 2014|journal=Australasian Journal of Popular Culture|volume=3|issue=3|pages=299–310|doi=10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1}}{{Cite web|url=https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation|title=Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation|access-date=July 23, 2020|work=The LGBTQ Center at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill|archive-date=November 19, 2019|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20191119213638/https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation|url-status=live}}

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• Demigender
• Pansexuality
• Sexual fluidity
• Unlabeled sexuality

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