Juliana's Pony: Total System Failure
{{Use mdy dates|date=June 2025}}
{{Infobox album
| name = Juliana's Pony: Total System Failure
| type = Album
| artist = Juliana Hatfield
| cover = Juliana_Hatfield_-_Juliana's_Pony-Total_System_Failure.jpg
| alt =
| released = May 16, 2000
| recorded =
| venue =
| studio =
| genre = Alternative rock
| length = 38:22
| label = Zoë Records
| producer = Juliana Hatfield
| prev_title = Beautiful Creature
| prev_year = 2000
| next_title = Gold Stars 1992–2002: The Juliana Hatfield Collection
| next_year = 2002
}}
{{Music ratings
| MC = 35/100{{cite web|url=http://www.metacritic.com/music/julianas-pony-total-system-failure/juliana-hatfield|title=Juliana's Pony: Total System Failure by Juliana Hatfield|website=Metacritic |publisher=|accessdate=3 October 2016}}
| rev1 = AllMusic
| rev1Score = {{Rating|2|5}}{{Cite web|url=https://www.allmusic.com/album/julianas-pony-total-system-failure-mw0000057562|title=Juliana's Pony: Total System Failure - Juliana Hatfield | Songs, Reviews, Credits | AllMusic|via=www.allmusic.com}}
|rev2=Robert Christgau
|rev2score={{rating-Christgau|hm2}}{{cite web|url=http://robertchristgau.com/get_artist.php?name=juliana%20hatfield|title=Robert Christgau: CG: juliana hatfield|publisher=|accessdate=3 October 2016}}
|rev3 = The Encyclopedia of Popular Music
|rev3score = {{rating|2|5}}{{cite book |last1=Larkin |first1=Colin |title=The Encyclopedia of Popular Music |date=2006 |publisher=MUZE |volume=4 |page=175}}
|rev4 = Entertainment Weekly
}}
Juliana's Pony: Total System Failure is an album by Juliana Hatfield, released in 2000.{{Cite web|url=https://www.allmusic.com/artist/juliana-hatfield-mn0000839504/biography|title=Juliana Hatfield | Biography & History|website=AllMusic}}{{Cite web|url=https://www.thepitchkc.com/juliana-hatfield-julianas-pony/|title=Juliana Hatfield; Juliana's Pony|date=August 24, 2000}} It was released on the same day as Beautiful Creature.{{cite web |title=Juliana Hatfield: Juliana's Pony: Total System Failure |url=https://www.avclub.com/juliana-hatfield-julianas-pony-total-system-failure-1798192987 |website=The A.V. Club |date=29 March 2002 |access-date=1 April 2021}}
The songs "Total System Failure" and "Leather Pants" use the same music with different lyrics.
Production
The album was recorded as a trio, dubbed Juliana's Pony. Bass player Mikey Welsh co-wrote four songs.{{Cite web|url=https://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/music/hatfields-the-real-mccoy-6416834|title=Hatfield's the Real McCoy|first=Serene|last=Dominic|date=June 8, 2000|website=Phoenix New Times}} Although inspired by Hatfield's months-long stay in Los Angeles, the album was made in Austin, Texas.{{Cite web|url=https://www.mcall.com/news/mc-xpm-2000-06-23-3302312-story.html|title=JULIANA HATFIELD PURSUES TWO PATHS TO SATISFACTION|website=mcall.com|date=23 June 2000 }}
Critical reception
Exclaim! wrote that "this is Hatfield at her funniest and most bitter, heaping bile on boy toys ('Houseboy'), All About Eve ladder-climbers ('My Protegee'), teenage girls in SUVs ('Road Wrath') and overly fertile families ('Breeders')."{{Cite web|url=https://exclaim.ca/music/article/julianas_pony-total_system_failure|title=Juliana's Pony Total System Failure|website=exclaim.ca}} Trouser Press wrote: "It’s easily the weakest album in her career and sounds even worse when compared to the subtle path of Beautiful Creature, although there is something mortifyingly fascinating about the utterly disastrous tone in which Hatfield portrays her life and loves."{{cite web |title=Juliana Hatfield |url=https://trouserpress.com/reviews/juliana-hatfield/ |website=Trouser Press |access-date=1 April 2021}}
Track listing
{{Track listing
| total_length = 38:22
| all_writing = Juliana Hatfield, except where noted
| title1 = White Thrash
| length1 = 0:15
| title2 = Metal Fume Fever
| writer2 = Hatfield, Mikey Welsh
| length2 = 2:00
| title3 = Houseboy
| writer3 = Hatfield, Welsh
| length3 = 2:44
| title4 = Road Wrath
| writer4 = Hatfield, Welsh
| length4 = 3:36
| title5 = Let's Get Married
| length5 = 2:30
| title6 = Breeders
| writer6 = Hatfield, Welsh
| length6 = 2:54
| title7 = My Protégée
| length7 = 3:43
| title8 = Total System Failure
| length8 = 3:12
| title9 = The Victim
| length9 = 2:50
| title10 = Using You
| length10 = 4:11
| title11 = Leather Pants
| length11 = 2:52
| title12 = Noblesse Oblige
| length12 = 4:00
| title13 = Ten Foot Pole
| length13 = 3:35
}}Live versions of "My Protégée" and "Ten Foot Pole" also appear on Hatfield's Live Album The White Broken Line: Live Recordings.
Personnel
- Juliana Hatfield – guitar, vocals
- Zephan Courtney – drums
- Mikey Welsh – bass, backing vocals
=Production=
- Producer: Juliana Hatfield
- Engineer: Brian Brown
- Mastering: Brian Lee
- Photography: Juliana Hatfield, Mikey Welsh