Things (film)

Don and Fred decide to visit the house of Doug, Don's brother. They are unaware that Doug and his wife Susan, who have been unable to conceive a child naturally, have been participating in unconventional experiments performed by Doctor Lucas, in order to artificially induce pregnancy in Susan. While looking for beer in Doug's house, Don and Fred discover a book written by Aleister Crowley, as well as a tape recorder that plays a recording of a distorted voice. Hearing the tape, Doug storms in and scolds them before joining them in their drinking.

Susan gives birth to insect-like creatures before dying. The creatures attack and kill a dog. Doug explains to Don and Fred about the experiments he and Susan had been involved in with Doctor Lucas, and that they went awry. The power in the house suddenly goes out, and the creatures born of Susan infest the house and attack the men.

Don and Doug search the house with a flashlight. In the basement, a creature attacks Doug from behind. Don attempts to strike the creature with a hammer, but accidentally bludgeons Doug instead. Don helps Doug back upstairs, where another creature bites off several of Doug's fingers. Don cauterizes Doug's wounds, but Doug dies. Don hides Doug's body in a closet to prevent the creatures from eating the rest of him.

Armed with a drill, Don continues to wander around the house. He sees visions of Doug still alive, and falls asleep on a couch. Fred appears with a chainsaw while Don finds a golf club, and the two kill several of the creatures. They discover that the creatures have eaten Susan's body, reducing her to mostly bones. The creatures eat Fred alive as he pleads for Don's help. Doctor Lucas arrives at the house, and Don accuses him of being responsible for everyone's deaths. The creatures attack Doctor Lucas, and Don is shown escaping the house and coming across a passerby, who walks with him to a car. He asks, "Are you sure this wasn't all a dream?" Don is then seen back in the house, alongside a bloodied but apparently living Doctor Lucas.

• Barry J. Gillis as Don Drake
• Amber Lynn as Reporter
• Bruce Roach as Fred Horton
• Doug Bunston as Doug Drake
• Jan W. Pachul as Doctor Lucas

{{Expand section|date=October 2024}}

In 1989, Things was released direct-to-video on VHS.{{cite web|url=https://screenanarchy.com/2011/06/intervision-picture-corp-warns-of-things-the-secret-life-jeffrey-dahmer-july-12th.html|author=J Hurtado|title=Intervision Picture Corp Warns Of Things & The Secret Life: Jeffrey Dahmer July 12th|date=June 23, 2011|publisher=Screen Anarchy|accessdate=October 11, 2020}} In the United States, the film was distributed on VHS by Triworld Films.{{cite news|last=Karvelas|first=Mike|date=May 20, 1990|title=Skip the new releases and wait for Sigourney|url=https://www.newspapers.com/article/the-item/128466190/|newspaper=The Item|location=Sumter, South Carolina|page=17|access-date=July 18, 2023|via=Newspapers.com}}

Things was released on DVD on September 4, 2008, by Cinema Sewer and Left Field Productions,{{cite web|url=http://things1989.com/|title=Things (1989)|website=Things1989.com|access-date=July 20, 2023|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20160313053419/http://things1989.com/|archive-date=March 13, 2016|url-status=deviated}} and was re-released on DVD in 2011 by Severin Films.{{cite web|url=https://bloody-disgusting.com/news/25075/1989-cult-things-gets-rerelease/|title=1989 Cult 'Things' Gets Rerelease|last=Miska|first=Brad|work=Bloody Disgusting|date=June 23, 2011|accessdate=October 11, 2020}}{{cite web|url=https://severinfilms.com/blogs/catalog/things|title=Things|publisher=Severin Films|access-date=July 20, 2023}}

In 2021, Joe Bob Briggs hosted the film on The Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs. The episode featuring the movie was subsequently released on VHS in 2022.{{Cite web |last=Media |first=Ship to Shore |title=The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs - Things VHS |url=https://shiptoshoremedia.com/products/things-vhs |access-date=2022-12-16 |website=Ship to Shore Media |language=en}} It has also been featured at film festivals.{{cite web|url=https://www.nau.ch/lifestyle/unterhaltung/die-kultmoviegang-zeigt-rock-n-roll-nightmare-und-things-in-bern-65574679|title=Die Kultmoviegang zeigt "Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare" und "Things" in Bern|work=Nau.ch|language=German|accessdate=October 11, 2020}}

A reviewer for Variety wrote of Things that "[t]here are some toothy puppet monsters, more amusing than scary."

Since its release, Things has gained a reputation as being one of the worst films ever made. Critics from The Beachwood Reporter, Dread Central and Cinema Sewer each described it as being the worst film ever made.{{cite web|url=http://www.beachwoodreporter.com/people_places_things/things_perhaps_the_worst_movie.php|title=Things: Perhaps The Worst Movie Ever Made|work=The Beachwood Reporter|accessdate=October 11, 2020}}{{cite web|url=http://www.cinemasewer.com/?p=35|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20160309182911/http://www.cinemasewer.com/?p=35|title=Things on DVD|date=September 12, 2008|work=Cinema Sewer|archivedate=March 9, 2016|accessdate=October 11, 2020}}{{cite web|url=http://www.dreadcentral.com/news/142337/things-worst-movie-ever-made/|title=Things: The Worst Movie Ever Made|date=December 10, 2015|publisher=Dread Central|last=Kirschner|first=Jeff|accessdate=October 11, 2020}} Adam Symchuk of Screen Rant writes: "While films like The Room and Birdemic seem to be constant contenders for the best 'so bad it's good' movie, [Things] is the true unheralded champion among many cinephiles."{{cite web |title=It Came From The North: 10 Great Monster Movies From Canada |url=https://screenrant.com/great-monster-movies-from-canada/ |website=Screen Rant |last=Symchuk |first=Adam |access-date=September 2, 2021 |date=September 30, 2020}} Likewise, a review from DVD Verdict wrote that the film was "a treasure for those who like to revel in the worst of the worst."{{cite web|url=https://dvdverdict.com/reviews/things.php|title=DVD Verdict Review - Things |date=July 22, 2011|publisher=DVD Verdict|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20160401075433/https://dvdverdict.com/reviews/things.php|archivedate=April 1, 2016|accessdate=October 11, 2020|first=Daryl|last=Loomis}} Meanwhile, J Hurtado of Screen Anarchy described it as "critically unassailable" and Will Pfeifer opined that "It's so terrible I can’t think of another movie that even comes close."{{cite web|url=https://screenanarchy.com/2011/08/things-dvd-review.html|title=Things DVD Review |date=August 3, 2011|publisher=Screen Anarchy|author=J Hurtado|accessdate=October 11, 2020}}{{cite web |last1=Pfeifer |first1=Will |authorlink=Will Pfeifer |title=Will Pfeifer: Monsters, mullets meet for snoozefest |url=https://www.jacksonnewspapers.com/x1348677046/Will-Pfeifer-Monsters-mullets-meet-for-snoozefest |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210902063835/https://www.jacksonnewspapers.com/x1348677046/Will-Pfeifer-Monsters-mullets-meet-for-snoozefest |newspaper=Jackson Newspapers |access-date=September 2, 2021 |date=October 17, 2008 |archive-date=September 2, 2021 |language=en}} After addressing various shortcomings, Erin Brady of /Film wrote: "Things is also one of the most authentic movies you will likely ever watch. It is proof that anyone can pick up a camera and make a movie with their friends, even if their resources are limited."{{cite web |last1=Brady |first1=Erin |title=The Daily Stream: Things Is DIY Horror Madness You Need To See To Believe |url=https://www.slashfilm.com/1049461/the-daily-stream-things-is-diy-horror-madness-you-need-to-see-to-believe/ |website=/Film |access-date=July 21, 2023 |date=October 11, 2022}}

Caelum Vatnsdal, author of They Came from Within: A History of Canadian Horror Cinema, wrote that Things is "the worst Canadian horror film ever made".{{cite book| first= Caelum | last= Vatnsdal | year= 2004 | title=They Came From Within: A History of Canadian Horror Cinema | publisher=Arbeiter Ring Publishing | isbn= 978-1-894037-21-1 | authorlink=Caelum Vatnsdal}} In his book Spinegrinder: The Movies Most Critics Won't Write About, Clive Davies stated that, while Things was a strong contender for the title of "best worst movie", it is not well known outside of its cult following.{{cite book| first= Clive| last= Davies | year= 2015 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=Co5XDwAAQBAJ&q=Spinegrinder%3A+The+Movies+Most+Critics+Won%27t+Write+About+Barry+Gillis+Things&pg=PT2 | title=Spinegrinder: The Movies Most Critics Won't Write About| publisher=Headpress | isbn=978-1909394278}} Things was also reviewed by RedLetterMedia on an episode of Half in the Bag in 2013,{{cite web|url=https://www.redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-bag/half-in-the-bag-summer-movie-catch-up-and-things?rq=Things|title=Half in the Bag: Summer Movie Catch Up and Things|date=October 12, 2013|publisher=Red Letter Media|accessdate=October 11, 2020}} and RiffTrax spoofed it on March 4, 2022, with the latter concluding that "It's definitive, universal… the worst movie we've ever done".{{cite web |last1=Nelson |first1=Mike J. |authorlink1=Michael J. Nelson |last2=Murphy |first2=Kevin |authorlink2=Kevin Murphy (actor) |last3=Corbett |first3=Bill |authorlink3=Bill Corbett |title=Things |url=https://www.rifftrax.com/things |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20220305141159/https://www.rifftrax.com/things |publisher=Rifftrax |archive-date=March 5, 2022 |access-date=June 17, 2022 |language=en |date=March 4, 2022}}[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvDD2kw8-qM RiffTrax: THINGS (HD Trailer) - RiffTrax on YouTube]

• List of films considered the worst

{{reflist}}

• {{Rotten Tomatoes|1021245_things|Things}}
• {{IMDb title|0183881}}
• [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVzI84aeUk4 Excerpt of RiffTrax treatment on official YouTube channel]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Things (Film)}}

Category:1989 direct-to-video films

Category:1989 films

Category:1989 horror films

Category:1989 independent films

Category:1980s Canadian films

Category:1980s English-language films

Category:1980s exploitation films

Category:1980s monster movies

Category:Canadian direct-to-video films

Category:Canadian monster movies

Category:Canadian splatter films

Category:Direct-to-video horror films

Category:English-language Canadian films

Category:Films shot in Ontario

Category:1989 science fiction films

Category:English-language science fiction horror films

Category:English-language independent films